Roleplay cheating? My 20M fiancé has been taking part in explicit Roleplay online.

[LivelyBalonz]

I recently went on holiday and I came back with a terrible flu. I saw his open discord with explicit messages but decided I was just confused from the flu. For the past week I have been depressed and he has been more secretive around his phone lately. We are very openly with eachother and our phones in the past. My bf slept on the sofa as I’m still not very well and he wanted to let me sleep. I woke up panicked as he never sets an alarm for work so I went to check to see if he remembered. I then decided to open discord (wrong I know). I found multiple text chains of sexually explicit and graphic roleplay. This has been the best relationship of my life.

Am I overreacting or is this cheating? Please someone help. I love him so much but I feel betrayed.

Do you mean he’s sexting with someone on discord ? I wouldn’t be happy with that personally

It’s all anonymous and yeh it’s basically sexting.

Well, if he's 20, he's a bit young to be contemplating marriage. & if he's indulging in explicit masturbatory role play in video games, he's more than a little creepy.

I'd pull the plug & try someone who'd be up for spending more time breathing fresh air, & if you're a similar age, don't rush to call anyone your 'fiance'.

Only you can decide whether it’s cheating. If it’s crossed a boundary for you and you feel hurt & betrayed - and it seems like you do - then yes, it’s cheating. I would feel hurt and betrayed too.

Hard to say what is going on here. If he’s a prolific RPer or likes to write then he may see nothing wrong with what he’s doing. The fact he’s being secretive with his phone would suggest that he knows this would be hurtful to you, though.

Does he roleplay normally as a hobby? If he does, then you could bring it up in discussion and
do a bit of digging without revealing you’ve been on his phone.

Were all the messages to one person/account?

They were too multiple accounts. He admitted to me that he used to do it when he was single and lonely. Which makes me feel like he isn’t fully satisfied in our relationship.

How old are you?

I agree with others… it’s up to you to set your boundaries.

Its hard because most men watch porn

You are not overreacting, yes it’s cheating, I’d see it as a warning sign, he’s not a keeper. You can never trust him, when you’re out of the room, he’s being a sleeze, where would it end, what if he found someone he knew in real life, imagine being tied down with marriage and kids and him doing this, at least you can exit now if you want to.
Dont blame yourself, you are enough it’s just that some guys cannot appreciate what they already have.

That at least makes it sound like he’s not formed a connection / emotional bond with just one person, which (for me at least) would feel a lot worse.

I think you’re going to have to talk to him about it, whether you admit you saw the messages or find a way to lead into the conversation. That is the only way you’re going to get any answers. Then take it from there. If you feel like you want to try to move on from this & remain together, make sure you put clear boundaries in place during this conversation. Make it clear that you consider this cheating, that it feels like a betrayal, and it’s a dealbreaker for you.

Why is it hard " because most men watch porn" ?

A lot of men watch porn yes. So a lot of men enjoy watching women being abused , exploited, humiliated and violated.

And if a woman actively choses to be in a relationship with someone who enjoys watching violence against women then fair enough.

But most women have the choice to say they don't want to be in a relationship with someone who watches porn. They have the right to set this as a boundary.

You make it sound as though women should just shut up and accept porn use. When really they shouldn't if they want a healthy normal relationship.

You cant make a man stop watching porn but you can end a relationship with someone who does.

If you do that you’ll be eternally single - which is fine if you’re not bothered but being realistic, you’d be hard pressed to find a man who never watches it.

Perhaps that is your experience of men.

I don't understand why you are wanting to push the agenda that the only choice women have is to accept porrn in a relationship or be single. You and many others seem desperate to convince women porn watching is normal for men so they'd better get used to it.

There are plenty of men who don't watch porn and perhaps it's time women asserted their boundaries instead of being brainwashed into thinking they gave to accept porn in their relationships