Lonely and need to make new friends

[MayMumm]

I am a Mum to a three year old. I work full time. I’m married. I have been lonely for a while, even before my child was born. My long term friends (for over 30 years) well I just don’t think I’ve ever been on the top priority friend lists as they never seem to initiate contact or seem interested. I have a mixture of friends with no children and friends who have children. I need to make new connections as I only hear from my friends when it’s my birthday and they send a text. I’m 43. Any ideas on how to make new friends to socialise with. I live in NW London.

Do you suggest things to do with friends eg a mums brunch or theatre or dinner?

Do you get on with any nurse eg mums? Play dates in the park on a Saturday or mums brunch no kids?

Book a table for 10 and ask two friends and ask that they each bring someone nice that you don't know and these people all do the same as a 'meet nice new people'

I quite like going to women's circle type events like manifest your dream life. I went to one about manifesting love recently and it was a room full of incredible interesting clever beautiful well travelled women.

Do you have a partner are they nice? Could they help you host something?

Thank you for your replies I would like to make new friends as it’s currently not working with my current set of friends. I don’t think just texting me once a year cuts it. It hasn’t been working for sometime 10 years plus. I’m very tired of feeling rejected by them. I can’t host an adult night at my house as my child will be there (only my husband and I share the childcare, we have no family and I also care for my elderly parents who are in their 80s). And even if I did most would not be available or make an effort as even before I had my child this would happen. I’m interested in socialising with adults. So that I can form a life outside of being a mother, a carer and a wife. If anyone can relate to what I am saying would love to hear from you, or if you have gone through something similar. I desperately want to find me again. Woman circle type events seem like a good idea @Unexpectedlysinglemum thank you for suggesting.

Women’s circle events are good. Also once your DC starts school, you will meet new people. I met most of my friends at school. It started with play dates but soon we started meeting up for a coffee and evenings out. 10 years later we are all good friends

Yes once they start school you meet new mums. Are there any meetup groups. We did walking we dont go as much now. I still meet her for coffee. We did a show at xmas. I found same op nobody reaching out. Then nothing got arranged.

Have a look at Meetup groups in your area. There's a huge range of events to choose from. I've done quite a few over the years - hiking, photography, live gigs, dog walks etc and made friends from those. They tend to be people in the same boat, so are looking for friends themselves.

Why isnt your partner your friend why are you lonely in marriage. Address this. Go on date nights, book spontaneous trips i.e rome, lake garda etc. Wowcher is amazing.

The OP has explained she has no childcare and looks after elderly parents.

Also try something like beginner tennis lessons they're fun, I tried one but can't do every week as I'm a single mum

@Fluffypotatoe123987 I have never said my husband is not my friend not sure how you have concluded this, and yes we have booked a holiday to the Caribbean for the family but not all of us have the privilege of childcare on tap so no we cannot spend that sort of time together and we are quite happy cosying up to the tv at night or having dates in the day while my child is at nursery. I have never said I’m lonely in my marriage - VERY HAPPY IN MY MARRIAGE so it’s loud and clear, but would like to socialise with other friends. Do you not socialise with friends??

That sounds interesting actually I didn’t think of that although I’m not great with sports so will be quite funny.

Book clubs?

Do you work OP, can you meet anyone through work? What about mum’s groups? Peanut is a good app check it out. Meet-up is also a good site to try. Book clubs are a good suggestion too, or arts and crafts groups locally?

What would you like to do as a hobby? I’d start that and make friends that way.

It’s hard when everyone is busy. Maintaining friendships takes effort. Sone of the things I do are have friends that I walk with so we are exercising while we catch up, meet a friend for lunch once a week and I have a couple of groups of friends who meet for a meal every couple of months. We book the next meal at the end of the current meal.

when the DC were young we would meet at the park or soft play and chat while the kids played.

How often do you contact your existing friends?

Hi yes I work full time and so does my husband. I have a very good career and was promoted and up for next one all of that I’m satisfied with and grateful for my career. But it’s my current friendships are making me feel down like I’m unwanted sometimes you need your girlfriends too, and it’s just not working. I started a Karaoke club at work just to socialise but it is tricky on weekdays due to nursery pick ups drop offs that we share with my husband and socialising on a school night is not the same as going out on the weekend. I’m a very proactive person which is why I hate feeling needy etc. I just want to make new connections that will hopefully lead to a few meaningful friendships.

Yeah that’s what I meant though, can you strike up friendships with people via work? Obviously it’s more difficult during the week with nursery. I think play dates will become more of a thing when your child is older. It’s a difficult life stage I guess. I think a woman’s circle could be good.

or finding a hobby

I used to contact my friends quite often but after lots of rejections (spanning over 10 years) I’m finally decided that I’m not going to initiate. For example I contacted one of my friends in May to ask whether x date worked for her and didn’t hear back from her until July. I typically only get texts from my friends 1-2 times a year. It shouldn’t be this hard. Meetings are from every few years to 1-2 times a year. I am not unreasonable everyone has there own life and wouldn’t expect to meet once a week but maybe every two months???? I have honestly tried. But know I’m getting the short end of the stick.

Hi yes I hear you I’m trying to learn how to find a hobby if that makes sense as I just like going out to eat, or drink or nightclubs etc I’m open to hobbies and exploring new things maybe trialing a few things even if I think I’d hate the activity just to put myself out there.

Yeah I think expanding your interests will help you.
What about exercise classes or running clubs?
Im in a similar boat to you but I’m younger and no kids, so it’s a bit easier but I’m looking into hobbies too x

Thank you for all the suggestions it’s making me put things into perspective. While I don’t have a strong circle of friends. I do have a great husband, a beautiful son and also a great career. Conclusions are sign up to new activities and be open to trying new things to hopefully meet new people and expand my circle. I find the meet-up websites sometimes tricky to navigate but will put more effort into finding how they work.

Cooking class? Supper club?

Anyone from work you could go for a walk or lunch with?

Sounds like you have tried hard with your friends.

Thank you for your kind words I often have lunches with colleagues and go for walks London is a beautiful city in the summer but it does depend on what days we are in the office and so on with hybrid work and given my role amd responsibilities can at time have schedules.my colleagues are a lot younger than me in their 20s amd have a lot of respect for me and often turn to me for advice. There are some the same age but they also have the same problems I have with nursery drop offs and pick ups etc.