Hello, I’m in my 40s and my partner is 39. We have been together for 3 years. He has autism. I suffer from bouts of depression and general anxiety disorder. I work for myself which I love and helps with my anxiety.
Our relationship was great for the first 2 years, he made me feel so special, I felt loved and cared for. Now he barely makes much effort, I asked him what has changed - he said he is not the same person. Was he just masking/pretending before? He said to me I don’t do anything in the relationship, I make all the decisions, I cook him dinner when he stays, I move to the sofa when he stays as I snore loudly and with his sensory issues that stresses him out with the noise. I also pay for everything now. He just drives 40 minutes to mine as I don’t drive and if we do anything he drives. A few days ago we were out and he lost signal in his phone with the sat nav so I tried to get this on my phone, I’m useless with these things but asked for his help his reply was cold and unhelpful “it’s your phone, you do it. You’re an adult you shouldn’t need help” he kept loudly sighing and becoming annoyed. This just got me anxious as I’ve been in abusive relationships in the past that is I did anything wrong it would end in tears for me. So, this situation triggered me. I have spoke to him about this before but he says I’m blaming him and makes it about himself.
I asked him if he cares about me he said “a little, I don’t care about people”
This really got me feeling awful and just doesn’t make me want to be in a relationship like this. Am I being irrational? Is this my fault? Or is he just so selfish?
I also struggle with weight (I’m not fat, but I put it on easy) I go to the gym but he constantly mentions my eating or weight in very subtle ways to make me feel bad. I’ve got a really healthy diet, for example - I had sourdough toast 2 small slices with some avocado and chicken and 4 strawberries for lunch. His lunch consisted of 2 chocolate muffins, 3 cans of cola, chocolate and crisps . He’s not fat at all but he only has a bowl of soup a day at on the weekdays and that’s all he eats. I think he eats bad but I don’t say anything because I’m not going to shame him like he doesn’t eat with me. He has poked my tummy and made fun of it, I laugh because it tickles but I said that’s not nice as he talks how chunky it is. He still proceeds to do this. I squeezed his bum the other day out of affection and he said I was really creepy for doing that and that I’m weird. He never compliments me ever, he used to. I get compliments from everyone else and I know I’m not ugly.
Why is he like this with me? Any advice please. Thanks!