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[Absolutewanker]

Need to vent/handhold, hell I don't know.
I'll try not to waffle -
DS's (24) 'friend' 25 year old male was here when we got back from vacation, apparently his GF had thrown him out, she'd stolen his car. the police had arrested him and he was penniless, phone less and homeless. DS is a bit of a soft touch so said he could stay here.
We got back from vactation and it was agreed that he could stay in our gym, which is a large outside building, could use the house, have food etc.
That was 2 1/2 months ago and 'D'H has also given this man a job and has stated he can stay long term.
Onto the problem - last week DS and I are talking and just messing stated that people always say he's really hard to work with etc (before H offered this man a job and all of which is true as H isn't the best boss and also joked about as a family in-front of H to which he even comments and says it's true as he can't keep employees long), now this man took it upon himself to tell H that we called him a cunt and state that we were slagging him off and then made up a bunch of other things we supposedly said, H has gone absolutely mad at ME not DS and has called me every name under the sun, said I'm a liar and a cheat?? and that he knows this man is telling the truth ( he isn't he's really embellished). I as you can imagine defended myself and said no that's not true and I want him (man) out, H lost the plot at me as I'm a liar apparently to fuck off and I need to go.
This man is 1 huge walking red flag, doesn't speak to his family because of x,y,z and the ex GF is of course a nutter/ slag/whore, you get the picture. The police have got it all wrong yada, yada, yada FFS he brags all the time about how he was earning 3k a WEEK and yet didn't even have a pair of shoes/clothes to his name.
DH has now told me via text that he wants a divorce WTAF. I am so angry and fucking hurt that after 20 years he's like this!

Be glad you’re getting rid of your husband. He sounds awful.

Call his bluff and say you accept his proposal.

Bloody hell @Absolutewanker that’s one hell of a switch to flip.

Yes, the 25-yr old is a whole parade of 🚩 red flags but is there a reason your stbxDH can’t keep staff? Is this the first time he’s done this?

Part of me wonders if it’s projection in some way, but if he’s going to be like this, as others have said, call his bluff. But it’s him and Mr 🚩 who have to get their arses out of the house, not you.

Sending a huge hug.

Is H banging the lodger?

Book an appointment with a solicitor and make sure you get 50% of everything. Gather all paperwork. Treat it like a business meeting when you talk to /write to your stupid husband.

He can't keep staff @MedievalNun because he's a perfectionist, a micro manager, rude and abrupt. He's also very successful, he's ok at home because we don't tolerate his moods.
Weird as that did cross my mind @TwelfthOfNever although I've never thought that before.
I said put the house on the market, get it sold and you and your 'special friend' ( I know childish but I'm raging) can move out, he's adamant that it is my fault and I have betrayed him
I'm so angry ( I don't even know if that word is strong enough tbh) that he would believe this man over his wife of 20 years, friends for 40!

There’s definitely something going on in the background.

Has Mr 🚩 maybe hinted he sees you as a MILF / made comments that have got into your husband’s head?

I really do feel for you xx

Is it possible he’s suggested that you came onto him, for your H to be calling you a cheat?

How to proceed depends on whether you really want to salvage things with someone who will take a stranger’s word over your own after so many years. But I might make a request via Claire’s Law to see what comes up about this guy, and would potentially say that you would happily take a polygraph and answer the issue of what you said and to whom as you’ve no doubt it will show you’re speaking the truth. If that doesn’t give your H pause I don’t know what will.

Is there anyone else your H respects that you can talk to about what’s happening? This is just bizarre that your H would take the stranger’s word, so he’s clearly done quite a number to manipulate him into this stance 💐

Not that I'm aware of @MedievalNun the man apparently hates his DM and to hear him talk about his ex is quite honestly disgraceful, how she will never get as good a man as he, how he was a wonderful BF and provider - you know the sort that bigs themself up and leaves you scratching your head in disbelief.

Again no idea @GrumpyInsomniac I'm in no mood to speak to this man as I think I might lose my temper and I don't want to do that, as for a polygraph no fucking chance would I do that, I've been a fab wife, supportive etc etc so if he doesn't believe me that is a he problem and he can fuck off!
No there is nobody except eldest son but I am not involving him, yes this man has done huge damage.

I really hope that the police prosecute him (the man) as he was arrested for harassment and stalking the ex but obviously she's crazy and unhinged and he's innocent 🙄

@Absolutewanker Sorry, wasn’t suggesting you speak to the POS, but to your husband. And I’m not suggesting you take the polygraph, I’m thinking more about how to potentially jolt your husband back to the reality of someone he’s known and whose character he has witnessed for so many years and maybe making him think more sensibly.

This story sounds absolutely off the wall fucking crazy !!!
What is your son saying , sure he was conversing with you ???
He knows the truth !!
Your husband calling you a cheat , why ????
I’m sorry , but is there something going on with your husband & this lodger ?, cause I’m at a loss as to why your husband is looking for a divorce..
If lodger ( your husband’s new bf ( best friend ) ) is saying you cheated , surely your husband would confront you about it ..
Whatever is going on ..
It’s Mental OP !!!

I don't think it matters if the son vouches for his mum here. There us no trust and no respect from husband, op shouldn't have to prove herself

Your lodger is a conman and is fulfilling some unmet need your H has.

I think that's why I am so angry because it's so unreal!
DS is at work now but when he found out he said he spoke to cocklodger man (he's not parted with any money for food etc) and told him he was out of order, I have told DS not to worry and to stay out as it isn't fair on him.

I don't know and I really hope there isn't as that would unload so much more pain on top, but as I said it has crossed my mind unfortunatley.

Back before Christmas I'd had my nails done and 1 chipped so I had to go get it fixed before we went away, nail tech was in a different salon and H had looked at my location and commented, he said something like are you cheating or did you go meet a man, it was odd at the time but I didn't think too much of it.

Sounds like the bloke has been dripping poison in your husbands ear for a while. He’s Cuckoo’d you - whether it’s an affair or not he wants you out and is firmly entangled in your husband’s life right now.

Id get your son involved tbh. He’s 25, not 8, it’s his mate who’s caused this shit and he was there to witness what was said. Get him to talk to your husband - he’s an adult who I’m sure would rather try and help than watch his parents divorce due to his friend.

I'd call his bluff and pack a bag and go and stay elsewhere for a while.

Stupid games are being played and these chumps are going to win stupid prizes

Jesus , I don’t mean anything sexual, that’s why I put best friend after bf incase you thought I meant boyfriend !
I mean, he works for your husband, he’s obviously in your husband’s ear about something, I don’t know , there’s something going on though & I can’t understand why your Ds isn’t telling your husband about what really was said the day the 2 of you were chatting & lodger made up a load of crap !
Lodger is as dodgy as fuck , his family don’t speak to him , his gf got the police involved, he had absolutely zero & your son took him in & yet your husband thinks he’s the bees knees & wants to divorce you !!!
Jesus OP 😞

DS did tell H thats what makes it even worse.
I may speak to DS tomorrow as he has a day off but I hate involving him. Yeah firmly entangled is my feeling and I feel completely unnerved as no matter what I say H is defending CL.
H can't understand why I said this man has an agenda and is completely out of order. I told H yesterday to tell him to leave he won't!

I've pack a few things and off to stay in a hotel for the next few days after work tomorrow. I shouldn't have to it's my home but I need some space to think so I'm using our savings to pay for it.
At least the dogs are on my side and both sat on my bed with me, H is sleeping in another part of the house so we don't even need to cross paths atm.

I hope this all gets sorted, & your husband apologises to you, & you get that awful lodger out of your lives ..
Surely your son wants him gone too , seeing his mom having to go to a hotel for a few nights ..
Let us know how things go .
Wishing you the best OP … xx

So your DH is claiming that he wants to divorce you because you slagged off a friend of your DS? I think trying to deny and getting your DH to believe it’s exaggerated it is focussing on the wrong issue.

This real issue is that this is a crazy thing to shout divorce over!

Clearly there is something else going on. If your DH is so quick to say divorce perhaps he’s not someone you want to be married to.
Try getting someone your DH trusts to talk to him who can try to get to the bottom of the issue.