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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How could my boyfriend leave me for my lifelong friend?

7 replies

Kayla2528 · 20/07/2025 16:40

Partner of almost 2 years left me for my lifelong friend, who he’s only met a week prior.
I have never felt so heartbroken. I have 2 young kids, and he is the first man I’ve let into our lives since becoming a single mother 6 years ago, because of fear of this… similar has happened to me in the past.
We weren’t great towards the end, the arguments became more frequent, but I never thought either of them could do this to me. The betrayal I feel is like nothing I have ever experienced.
He built a really close relationship with my kids, and even after he was caught he begged to stay in their lives, but I just can’t bear it.
For the first week like an idiot, I begged and begged him to come back, even after everything. Now I have finally cut contact, but I feel broken. We were only together a year and a half, but he lived with us and we built a life together…
I’m in my mid 30s now and I’ve honestly got to the point where I feel like I’m not meant to be happy. I’m questioning everything, and I’m not sure how I’ll ever trust anyone ever again.
I know people say it gets easier, and yeah it does, I’ve been through it before, but it never leaves you, and last time I went through this with my kids dad I became acrophobic for almost 2 years, and I am just so scared of having to go through that all over again.
He’s been seen in our local town by multiple people, living his best life and acting as if he’s done nothing wrong, really happy with her, while I feel like my whole world has ended.
I have to work, do the every day tasks, and just carry on…. And when I get a minute I break down.
This actually feels worse than when my kids dad left in some ways, because I thought it was my turn to be happy and build something for us. Me and my kids are devastated, I just dunno what do do with myself…. Not functioning is an understatement 😭

OP posts:
Steelworks · 20/07/2025 16:42

You’re grieving for the life you thought you had going forward, plus you’ve betrayed by your friend. Double whammy. Take time to look after yourself and your dc.

fthisfthatfeverything · 20/07/2025 16:49

I hope you’re ok.
there is something better out there for you. he will move on from her when he sees something else.
this is no reflection on you @Kayla2528, but of the person he is & that’s not a nice one.
take the time you need and then pull your trousers up, tshirt down, dust yourself off & move forward.
It won’t be easy but after that first step it will get slightly easier each step you take.

You’ve got this 💪

TourdeFrance2025 · 20/07/2025 16:51

I'm sorry, that's awful. What has your lifelong EX friend had to say for herself? Thst would cut me deeper than some bloke of 18 months.

practically speaking, there's no need for you to 'go through that again' with acrophobia or anything else. The benefit of breaking up anytime after the first time is knowing you will be fine! Yes, it'll hurt, yes it's sad, but you know you'll be ok.

Practically make sure you leave the house EVERYDAY & it doesn't become 'your safe space' to the degree you can't go out.

Plan some nice things for you & the kids to look forward to.

How old are they now??

BabyCat2020z · 20/07/2025 16:55

What a nasty shock. Be kind to yourself and find enjoyment in life with your kids, and without a man. You only get this time once, so don't waste time mourning someone who isn't worth it. As for your 'friend', what a betrayal. It'll take time but you are in a better position now than wasting years with the wrong person.

Hatty65 · 20/07/2025 16:57

I'm so sorry. I'd be far more angry with her, I think. He's an arsehole - but she was your friend. And she'd known him a week!

They would both be dead to me from now on. I can't conceive of behaving like that towards anyone.

Kayla2528 · 20/07/2025 17:07

Oh believe me they’re both dead to me…. And she was there through all the hell when it happened to me years ago, so knows what I went through.
I hadn’t seen her in a while which is why he had only just met her, but she was going through a really hard time and I offered her a place to stay… and this happens… silly me hey! 😔

OP posts:
Kayla2528 · 20/07/2025 17:10

TourdeFrance2025 · 20/07/2025 16:51

I'm sorry, that's awful. What has your lifelong EX friend had to say for herself? Thst would cut me deeper than some bloke of 18 months.

practically speaking, there's no need for you to 'go through that again' with acrophobia or anything else. The benefit of breaking up anytime after the first time is knowing you will be fine! Yes, it'll hurt, yes it's sad, but you know you'll be ok.

Practically make sure you leave the house EVERYDAY & it doesn't become 'your safe space' to the degree you can't go out.

Plan some nice things for you & the kids to look forward to.

How old are they now??

6 and 7, my youngest isn’t really phased, but my son is really struggling, it’s so hard to see 😭

OP posts:
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