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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

'Stalker' who hasn't done anything wrong

8 replies

euiv · 19/07/2025 19:45

Right at the start of covid, I started a somewhat niche hobby and became friends with this other woman I met on a forum for said hobby. At the time, I was stuck in the middle of nowhere so spent a disproportionate time online talking to her.

About a year later, I came back home and we decided to meet up as she was ~30 mins or so from me. All went well and we started meeting more and more frequently. We both like women and there was always quite a bit of flirtation but we never really took it any further.

8+ months later I started trying to distance myself from her because she was very intense and I couldn't deal with how rigid her thinking was or how she seems to pride herself on how good she is at 'doing research' on anyone (usually family or friends) online. Our contact got more and more infrequent until it stopped. I don't have any form of social media whatsoever so aside from WhatsApp there was no way she could contact me/see what's going on with my life.

After that, once every few months I'd get a message from her with random things like a picture of a kombucha bottle saying "isn't this the brand you used to drink" or Taylor Swift concert dates saying "bet you're going to this concert" etc. I blocked her number once and she messaged my friend asking if I was doing ok! I've never ever given her my friends' number and they've never even met!

Last year I graduated after having gone back to uni in my late-20s and I received a message from her not 15 minutes after the congratulations message was posted by the school with the list of graduates asking me why I switched courses. I never once told her I was going back to uni! Yesterday, same deal. Received a message from her saying "oh you're working at X now?". Apparently she found my work email that contains my very unique name on the web.

What can I do about this? She hasn't done anything technically wrong but it's creeping me out. I don't want to change my number as I've had it for almost my whole life and I have too much linked to it by now.

OP posts:
Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 19/07/2025 19:49

Ask her to stop contacting you and block her number. If she gets in touch after that then she's crossed the line to harassment. Do you have friends with open Instagram and Facebook profiles?

R0ckandHardPlace · 19/07/2025 19:51

Message back asking if she’s set up google alerts or something on you, because it’s really fucking weird and it’s giving you stalker vibes.

BrentfordForever · 19/07/2025 19:56

I wouldn’t respond at all tbh

i had a stalker 20+ years ago and it was intense (guy had schizophrenia )
only thing that helped is I stopped responding and later changed my number

euiv · 19/07/2025 19:57

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 19/07/2025 19:49

Ask her to stop contacting you and block her number. If she gets in touch after that then she's crossed the line to harassment. Do you have friends with open Instagram and Facebook profiles?

Yes we figured she got my friends' number as it's written right there on her portfolio website but to find that and then message her asking about me is bloody creepy.

Told her before I blocked her that I was uncomfortable with her googling me and that I think we should part ways and that I wish her well. That caused the whole messaging my friend incident which made me unblock her cause I didn't know who else she'd try to message!

OP posts:
marmite2025 · 19/07/2025 20:02

This is what I sent (the last message) as advised by the police, he was being a total dick

'Stalker' who hasn't done anything wrong
Left · 19/07/2025 22:27

Try Paladin or the Suzy Lamplugh trust for advice on stalking.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 19/07/2025 23:29

The advice is definitely not to reply.

ThisCyanPoet · 19/07/2025 23:56

Don’t reply any more, the police will say you are engaging if you do. You’ve made it clear you don’t want to hear from them, there is nothing else to say.

If it happens again, the police will speak to them. Hopefully a stern warning will be enough for them to back TF off. If not, keep reporting them. The CPS may not be able to do much initially, however you can file a civil claim for an injunction, supported by reports to the police, copies of messages and witness statements from anyone they have contacted about you.

If you have an injunction, the police will instantly arrest them if they contact you or anyone else you know. There is no grey area here a breach is a breach and the CPS can charge them without having to weigh up the severity of the situation.

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