I’m doing too much and I’m going to burn out

[Tripleeightsee]

I have recently returned to work following maternity leave and I’m working 3 days a week whilst our son goes to nursery. I start early-ish so I’m waking up very early to drop our son at nursery and our dog at doggy daycare so I can get to work on time. My partner works long hours so he’s usually out the house by the time I wake up and he’s not home until about 7ish at night. This means that tea time, bath time and bed time is down to me. Because I have days off in the week it also means I am responsible for all the food shopping, washing, appointments, cleaning the house - you name it. I mentioned to my partner that I feel really stressed because we have numerous events coming up that will be expensive, and I’m worried about our upcoming nursery bills too. He has never been a man of many words however it just feels as though he doesn’t even care to reassure me anymore. He sits in silence while I’m upset, then he said I should speak to someone else as it’s every week I need reassuring about money issues and the way I’m feeling. I should mention he does pull his weight when he’s home with DS, but I feel as though I’m getting no emotional support when I don’t feel as though I’m asking for much, just a supportive partner as being a working mum and still carrying the load is all new to me. I don’t want to ‘LTB’ but I want to make him realise how much I do for this family and he needs to support me, whether that is just telling me I’m doing a good job. I’m not too sure why I’m posting, I don’t know if it’s just to let it out and see what other people think.

I’m sorry you’re struggling OP. One thing that would change my advice would be, do you have reason to worry about finances, or is it a general anxiety and needing reassurance more broadly? If it is genuine financial concerns that yes you do need to be able to speak to him about it, if it’s a general anxiety about different things then it may be worth seeking therapy to help you manage that.

It is rubbish to feel you are being taken for granted though and that is something you need to speak to him about. You don’t have to be the parent who stays home more if you don’t want to, that set up definitely does not work for all families and if you would prefer to go to work full time and split the household jobs etc accordingly then you are allowed to make that decision.

My partner and I had similar issues at first when our first daughter was born, over twenty years ago. I recommend that you speak to your partner about how much stress you are under, as he might not realise how much stress you are under.

Other, you will burn out.

Take care and good luck 😊

Who else do you turn to for emotional support? Family, parents, friends? “A man of few words” isn’t probably not going to be great at calming you down.

I really feel for you - it’s hard being a working parent. Do you have any family members or good friends you can confide in? Could a family member help for just one day a week while you’re working, to at least save you the nursery run/ fees? What would stop DH taking his turn in starting later or finishing earlier one or two days a week so he can do the drop off/pick up? It sounds like you need your salary so your DH has a dual responsibility with you to try and make this work. Or perhaps get some help in the house so you don’t have to spend all your days off catching up. DH should be doing his share of the chores too. All best wishes - you will find your stride, it’s important to look after yourself too.