Is he a workaholic?

[wanthimhome]

My DH is a lovely, lovely man, but I'm beginning to get worried that he has really problems separating work and family life.

How do you define 'workaholic'?

He'll go into work early in the morning (to be at his desk between 7 and 7.30), and although he'll usually come home with me at about 5.30, he'll log on to check emails, finish reports, etc., in the evening. And it is standard for him to go in at least one day at the weekend, if not both. This bank holiday weekend, he was pleased that he only worked 1.5 out of the 3 days.

I work full time too, but am then looking after my DD more or less by myself at home, and doing most of the housework.

Although he says he doesn't want to work so much, I don't believe him anymore. I think he really rather enjoys it, and finds it easier than looking after our little girl.

I've giving up moaning about it as I'm getting sick of hearing myself complain (and it doesn't do me any good as it just makes me feel very low), but by not complaining, I feel like I am giving him approval to carry on like this.

Not sure whether it's me or him being unreasonable...

There are too many imponderables here:

would he lose his job if he didn't put in the hours?
Is he stressed or enjoying it?
Is he using work as a means to avoid family time?
Does he enjoy his work?
Have you told him- not nagged him- what you think you'd like him to do- that is, how much time spent on family things?

The only way forward is to talk to him. it is not unreasonable, but you need to find out HIS reasons for working so much.

What is his reason for working so much?

He DOES enjoy his work, although it does stress him out when he has too much on (which is most of the time as he's completely unable to say 'no' to anything when he's asked to do it!). He wouldn't lose his job - he's a senior manager in a fairly reasonable company - it's more his need to do everything that's the issue, I think. It's not time management (he's fairly good at that), it's the volume of work he takes on.

I have tried talking to him reasonably about it, but he says 'it will get better when X is done'. I've heard it so many times now that I just don't believe him anymore.

I am worried that he finds looking after our daughter very hard, and, without being melodramatic, I worry about what would happen if I wasn't around.

I must talk to him again. You're right.

Sounds like my DH. In the office by 7.30am, which means leaving the house at 6.30am. Gets home about 8pm. Works on emails and reports at home on Sundays.

It annoyed the hell out of me when they LOs were small babies.

Be warned, if you try to talk to him, there is a danger it will be seen as nagging and, as he is bringing in good money, you will be seen as being unreasonable. This is they way it went for me anyhow.

These days I accept it. I now know that he just loves his work, despite moaning about it.

Hmm, I think no matter how I approach it, he'll think I'm nagging! But I've tried being supportive and that isn't helping either. He does bring in good money, but he'd still get paid the same if he didn't work in the evenings! That would be a start!

He's always been like this - I guess I shouldn't have expected it to change just because we have a daughter. I sound very whiney and sorry for myself - and I'm not really. DH is a good man - it's just that work is his priority.