Hi everyone,
I’m in a relationship that’s been going foralmost a year (Its actually our anniversary tomorrow).
He moved in around 7 months ago—way sooner than I was ready for. I’d said I wanted to wait until spring, but he gave notice to his landlord in November without properly checking in, and by December he’d moved into my home. I didn’t push back—I’ve always struggled with confrontation and I’m such a pushover that I just went along with it, even though it didn’t sit right with me. I hate conflict and often avoid it at my own expense.
Almost immediately after he moved in, I felt the shift. The relationship started feeling heavy, draining, and suffocating. Since then, I’ve taken on almost all the housework, the mental load, managing my pets (i foster puppies and kittens), and working too. He’ll occasionally help—but only when I’ve reached breaking point or directly ask multiple times. When he promises to help it rarely happens, and if I follow up, he’ll either avoid the conversation or blame someone else.
One of the worst parts was the sleep deprivation. His snoring became unbearable. I asked him for several weeks to see a doctor, tried different solutions, and he didn’t act until I broke down crying. Only then did he offer to sleep on the sofa. This is the pattern with everything: he only responds when I’m in emotional crisis. By then, it’s already too late.
I’ve told him directly that I’m miserable. That my anxiety is through the roof. That my antidepressant dosage has gone up, my insomnia is back, and I’ve even been told I have high blood pressure—all of which I know are being caused by stress in this relationship. He knows all of that, yet avoids conversations about it. When I told him about the blood pressure, his only response was, “Try not to overdo it,” as if this is just me pushing myself too hard—instead of acknowledging that he’s the source of the stress.
At this point, I’ve emotionally checked out. I don’t feel safe, supported, or respected. I want to ask him to move out. I’m not scared of being the bad guy—I just feel paralysed. Like I can’t get the words out, and I don’t know how to hold that boundary once it’s set. I worry I’ll fold the second he gets emotional or starts negotiating. I know he knows I struggle with boundaries, and I do wonder if he’s banking on that.
If you’ve been in this situation—how did you get through the paralysis and follow through? How do you start that conversation when the emotional labour has already drained you dry?