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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Crumbling under the weight of seemingly supporting everyone around me

5 replies

Letsgotosomewhereelse · 18/07/2025 10:00

Partner: currently going through a horribly complex extended divorce which has been going on for years. He’s almost catatonic with depression from the stress and financial aspect (lawyers costing almost 6-8k a month). We’ve been together for 2 of those years (no cross over!)

Mother: complex mental health issues, currently staying with me (was supposed to be a week, now in week 4!!) personality disorder and god knows how many other issues going on

Colleagues: official support for x 2 people going through HR issues/performance problems who I am required to check in with daily informally and weekly formally from a managerial perspective. This essentially turns into me being a sound board for wider life issues and stress

Teenagers: one going through a break up after a 2 year first love relationship. One just finished mocks and putting herself through god knows how much stress to do better

Best friend: going through a divorce she doesn’t want and utterly heartbroken

I cannot remember the last time someone asked me if I was ok or how I am doing. I took a day off work the other day, turned my phone off for the day and went to the beach, had lunch, read my book and swam. It was such a respite. Turned my phone on at 6pm to god knows how many messages and missed calls. Half of which were people just giving me updates of their latest episode or what someone had said to them or screenshots of emails/txts.

I am fucking exhausted by it all. I am not a martyr by any stretch but at what point do you cut these people off to a degree and say I can’t do this

OP posts:
Smellisande · 18/07/2025 10:02

I hear you. I have done the same.
Can you withdraw from.the work obligation.

wizzywig · 18/07/2025 10:04

You do it now. Calmly press the stop button. The weather is great today. What are you planning for 5pm when you can log off work? The beach may be heaving, doesn't matter. Get out there girl. And what are you doing for yourself over the weekend?

Smellisande · 18/07/2025 10:06

At some point your best friend should get a therapist.

0BSESSED · 18/07/2025 10:14

Oh god OP I totally feel you.
I don’t have any wise words but I’m in a similar boat.
what I can say is that you’ve inspired me to take a day off and not tell my family and spend it at the beach!

so thanks for that

Letsgotosomewhereelse · 18/07/2025 11:00

0BSESSED · 18/07/2025 10:14

Oh god OP I totally feel you.
I don’t have any wise words but I’m in a similar boat.
what I can say is that you’ve inspired me to take a day off and not tell my family and spend it at the beach!

so thanks for that

DO IT!

It was so restorative

OP posts:
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