Huge backstory to this made as short as possible. I was abused as a child, emotionally, physically and psychologically. I ended up with the most amazing foster parents that I’m lucky to still have in my life.
Due to the abuse and lack of therapy after I’ve never been good at relationships, teens were spent feeling needed to be loved but would be men just taking advantage. I met someone in my twenties who I thought was my saviour but over the years he proved to be bordering on being the same as my birth mother. I didn’t recognise it until it was far too late and experienced a lot of domestic abuse including being almost strangled to death. I was in this situation for 12 years and got out with my child 5 years ago. I did the freedom programme and have had a lot of therapy, which I’m still in just to manage ordinary life and still process many things.
During that time I’ve remained single and focused on myself and my child.
Mentally I’ve never been stronger.
My friend suggested to me to go dating again, I wasn’t sure about it but felt maybe give it a go as there are nice people out there. I wasn’t expecting much, got chatting to a few men online and there was one that seemed quite positive. Chatted with him, exchanged numbers, few texts and calls etc and we arranged to meet for a date.
The date was nice, he was easy to chat to, I felt there was a little bit of chemistry but wasn’t 100%. At the end of the date he asked for a kiss, I did feel quite awkward but still went in for one. I think this is what made my stop signs scream.
He text that night about meeting up again and I replied with a non commitment message.
I was starting to feel nervous about meeting up again and the thought of a man in my life so I decided that actually I still wasn’t ready for dating anyone, it shouldn’t be making me feel anxious. I let him know this very gently as I didn’t want to waste his time, said lovely time but not ready for dating, still need to focus on myself and my child. He seemed fine with this and said if I wanted a friend he was there. I didn’t reply.
Few weeks went by and he messaged saying he’d missed talking to me, I replied with that we could still chat on the basis of being friends. He asked if I’d been dating again, I again said as id explained I’m not ready to, not on any dating sites etc and have no interest in a relationship. He seemed to be ok with this. The week went on and he was back to messaging daily, I’d reply later as I work and have my child,
he asked about meeting again but this time for a coffee or a chat at the beach. I’d said yes again making it clear as friends. Arranged to meet on a weekday that I had off.
The evening before the meeting my child was feeling unwell, already had calpol at school and definitely coming down with something, I messaged saying child ill, can’t do tomorrow sorry. Child was off school and had an infection that needed antibiotics. He was messaging with Hope child feels better etc. The day after scheduled coffee, he was at a big event, sent lots of pics etc, asked what I was doing. I’d gone to foster parents as they have AC units and child was so hot with virus and the weather. There was also a fete on that FM had said about seeing. I left child with FD in the cool at their house. So I’d answered to the ex date now friend “at a fete with FM, child sleeping FD looking after him, staying for a bbq” as that’s what they were doing for tea. It was just me, FPs and child. Not a party and we were only there as it was cooler and like parents grandparents do they look out for us when needed. I know they aren’t my biological parents but our relationship is what it would be for that. I’d made this clear to ex date too, I call them by their first names but in my heart they are “mum and dad”.
Few days pass, messages still coming, I’m not answering at the rate of the messages. He asked what I’m doing, I said unproductive day supposed to be working from home but due to not feeling well myself it’s not really going ahead. He said how we could have met if I took a break, I said yes but not feeling well.
He then sent a message saying that if someone really wanted to meet up that they would make the time, wrote about himself in the third person and how he’s way down on my pecking order, then said if it was a bbq with friends I’d make time, and how my child was supposedly ill but i was at a bbq the next day.
I stupidly replied with proof of my child being ill because I felt he was accusing me of lying, so proof of email to the school and receipt of medication I’d picked up whilst waiting for antibiotics. I said yes I went to FPs not friends and had said child asleep in AC room.
He apologised and said he wasn’t sure if I wanted to meet again or had cold feet….but I’d consistently made it clear this was just as friends and the pecking order comment made me wonder if I’d lead him on to thinking it would or could be more.
sorry this is so long! I’ve not messaged since, Was I wrong? Or have I avoided getting myself entangled in another odd relationship?