How do I tell new man I have HPV?

[goodoldfriend]

This is quite embarrassing, but I really need some advice please.

To give you some background, I haven’t had sex in almost 4 years, which is why this topic has never come up. Just before I chose celibacy, I had unprotected sex with someone and ended up catching HPV, which led to genital warts. I had them removed, and thankfully, they haven’t returned since. I understand there’s no cure for the virus, but I haven’t experienced any flare ups. However, I recently had a smear test that confirmed my cells are normal, but HPV was found (I need to return in 12 months).

Anyway, I’ve started dating a new man, and I really, really like him. We haven’t had sex yet, but I would like to, though I’m unsure how to bring this up with him, or if I even need to? I know HPV is common, but it is still as an STI, so I feel like I should tell him before we have sex. I also realise that it can still be transmitted even with condoms.

I'm so worried that he's going to think badly of me and be put off.

You are.unsure about whether you need to bring this up with him?
I don't know just how infectious you are when you have had no flare ups for some time.Shouldn't you ask a doctor to explain things to you? You'll know then whether you are a risk for your partner.

If he’s serious about you then he’ll be ok with it and you’ll be able to find a way through it together. Just be honest with him. If he dumps you then he’s not the right one.

I wouldn’t want to have sex with anyone knowing they’ve previously had warts.

You need to tell him.

Be prepared, carry condoms. Should things heat up insist on condom use because XYZ.
I don’t think it’s dinner date conversation, but yes you should disclose so look for segways to fit it into the convo.

WTAF am I reading. Of course you need to disclose an incurable STD to the person you want to have sex with.
Are you not angry at the person who had not disclosed that to you? It's different if you are asymptomatic and you simply do not know you have it. But you do know so in my opinion you must disclose.

Most sexually active people will have HPV at some point in their lives. I think the stats are 4 out of 5.

It should just go away on its own (the smear in 12 months is for them to check it has) You might even not have it at the moment. And your new partner might have it but not know because he won’t have been tested.

It’s a really tough one because condoms may help but not irradiate the risk.

Id tell him I had HPV on my last smear and leave it to him from there.

“Before things get intimate, on my last smear I showed as positive for HPV. It’s very common, and obviously we would be using condoms for the time being anyway. I thought I should let you know in case you would like to pause things to look anything up.”

@OurBeautifulBaby @notimeforregrets I don’t appreciate the snippy comments, thanks. I’m already ashamed and embarrassed as it is. I came on here for advice, not to be made to feel like I’m a disgusting vile person. If I didn’t care, then I wouldn’t have asked in the first place.

Legally you don’t have to disclose if you’ve had warts and as I mentioned previously, I haven’t had a flare up in over 4 years. HPV is also very common (it’s just whether or not it turns into warts, cancer etc)

Anyway, thanks for making me feel even worse!

@jolies1 thank you, this is really helpful. I will go with this and let him decide if he wants to continue with the relationship.

Ignore them it's madly common they will almost certainly have had it too.

It's willingly and knowingly putting someone else's health at risk, how do you not see that by not telling she's removing consent from the other person?

It's so common I don't think it matters.

I also think it's suboptimal to link going for your smear to the risk of never having sex again...

HPV isn't warts. They haven't always screened for this. It's really complex it can lie for years. You could have it yourself! It doesn't always show up.

So was Covid at some point.

No, HPV is a lot more common than COVID. I mean you have almost certainly had it and just didn't know. You may have it now.

There's a difference between not knowing and knowing and not telling. Would you not want to be informed by your partner about it if they knew they have it? The fact that almost everyone has had it does not mean you don't need to be informed. To me, that's a consent thing.

Surely you’d be using condoms to begin with anyway?

I would probably say something like “last time I had a smear I came up positive for HPV and for that and other reasons I’d rather use a condom”

Fwiw my OH has genital herpes which he caught in his 20’s back in the dark ages and he told me before we first had sex and it’s not an issue. We have been together 5 years and have been careful and I’m not infected as far as I know (I’ve never had symptoms)

Men will never know if they have it or not.

OP is not a man and she does know.

https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genital-warts/hpv-virus-men

Here's a link that says "more than half the men will get HPV". That still leaves the other almost 50% that won't. It also says men can get symptoms and warts, similar to women.

I think HPV is common, however, I am assuming most people don't have outside genital warts. I think I would be honest and say you had HPV that led to genital warts. I think it best to be transparent as you can be charged for infecting someone with an STD.