People asking about my relationship status

[cloudtreecarpet]

So I am divorced. We were together a long time & have been split about 5 years now.
We split due to me finding out about historic infidelity but, for the kid's sake, we kept that fairly quiet and said it was an "amicable split" and that things had just run their course.
He has moved on with a new partner, I haven't tried for a new partner out of choice & am quite content with a single life atm.

It's been hard work (esp on my part) but we are amicable, he lives nearby so is around and still in my orbit so to speak .

What really annoys me though is how people still ask me about him, about whether he is still with his new partner, if we get on, if I have a new partner, if i'm looking for one etc etc. It always feels like they are fishing for gossip rather than actually caring about me.

I don't go up to someone I haven't seen in a while and ask if their relationship with their husband/wife/partner is ok, if they are getting on etc.
Why do people feel the right to question me about my exH and my relationship with him after all this time? It's like I am forever defined by my marriage.

Does this happen to anyone else and I am being odd to be irritated by it?

I think it's pretty normal to ask how a spouse is doing so we differ there. But it's odd to ask you how your ex is. I agree they don't care though and are just making conversation.

I.mean asking more personal "Are you & x getting on?" kind of questions not just "How is X?"
Those are the kind of questions I still get. Plus "How do you feel about his new partner?"
Like, really??

Aren’t people just trying to be friendly , make chit chat… it’s not malicious… if you don’t like it swerve the questions and change the subject…

people don’t have infinite small talk up their sleeves and what offends one person wouldn’t bother another… it’s hard to get it right… best not to take it personally… no doubt you wil have offended someone at some point without realising…

But why ask those questions at all is my point?

Ask about my kids maybe? Or just ask how I am or my job? Or the weather? Or any other general conversational topics.

I find it really odd and it really bugs me.

Just wondered if this happens to anyone else in the same position is all.

It's annoying OP, and yes it's sometimes from a place of caring but more often that not just people wanting gossip.

Initially, I'd say 'it's too painful to talk about' but like you I'm five years down the line now.

I feel like it's perhaps because I haven't repartnered, that people think I haven't moved on from the marriage. I have!! I'm not hanging on to anything there.

Yes, maybe it's because I don't have a different partner. But I am glad to hear someone understands!

I find it very intrusive especially questions like "Are you still getting on?" and "How do you feel about his partner?" plus "How do the kids get on with her?" Um, none of your business??

And this from people I am not massively close to or don't see that often so I just give bland, polite answers & don't feel I can be rudely direct and tell them what I think. Maybe I just should though...