Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with recurrent disappearing acts, at the slightest disagreement or any attempt on my part to have a chat about anything? Do I ignore them? Chase him? Try and set a clear boundary that if it happens again things are over?
Together 7y and have 2 young children. This must have happened 5 or 6 times in the past 3 to 4 months. The last time last Friday was after I tried to have a financial discussion with him as I am currently paying for all and organising all removations in a house we have bought together and I asked him to consider a declaration of trust to recognise my unequal contributions. He then packed a bag and left and sent me several intimidating sounding legal messages, and said he would be gone 3 nights. This left me with the kids by myself despite having had plans all weekend, he didn't even say bye to the 3 year old. He turned back up at 10pm monday, said nothing to me, ignored the baby crying all night (I had 4h sleep total from being up with her). Then left early tuesday without saying anything other than shouting at me to ring his phone as he couldn't find it, then came back early evening and acted as if nothing had happened, being all jovial and wanting to play with the kids all of a sudden. He then said he had gone to stay at a spa hotel by himself and had a nice weekend sunbathing and reading. He has spent over £1000 on hotel stays by himself in the past month and we don't even have a family holiday booked this year due to needing to pay for the renovation.
One 2 weeks ago when I asked him if he had had a drink after claiming he was sober, I came down from putting the baby to bed and he had vanished, then had sent a message saying I was controlling
Then turned up 14h later. Another time it was after I said I may occasionally use the home office to do some work from home, he has decided it is his and that I am not allowed access, he then started yelling at me in a restaurant, telling me I can pay the bill, then disappeared overnight and most of the next day, only coming home once I apologised when I hadn't done anything wrong. There have been several other one night disappearances.
It is getting exhausting and emotionally damaging to the children. If I do tell him things are over I am worried things may escalate.