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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I’ve been a complete fool

9 replies

Applesoranges1980s · 16/07/2025 16:50

So about 9 months ago I developed a crush on a colleague. I’d always got the impression he liked me a bit. We’re both married with children. At first it was just a bit of fun. The odd flirtatious look etc. Then he began to be a bit more open - on a few occasions really held my gaze. We went on a work trip and he was really flirty. I began to really really like him and think about him all the time. I felt better about myself, about how I look and my personality. I have often had really low self esteem and I was really flattered that this guy (he’s super confident/fun/‘cool’ etc) thought I was special.
I hate the fact that I think about him all the time. I just can’t stop it and it’s like I’m unwell almost. It makes me really depressed. I don’t want to cheat on dh but often I fantasise about doing so. Dh loves me very much I know. We went through a tricky patch a couple of years ago and I struggle to forget some of it, which perhaps is unrealistic.
anyway today at work I was working on my own in the office and he walked in. We’re hardly ever alone together at work. (If ever.). I felt very nervous and we had a brief, perfectly friendly chat but he didn’t make any effort to stay and talk or ask me questions. He then walked out. I feel like such a fool. Basically he’s been flirting with me a bit for…I don’t know what reason. Whereas I’ve been building him up to be this perfect guy and actually it means nothing to him.
talk some sense into me. I genuinely think I’m going a bit mad.

OP posts:
MNpenisadvisor · 16/07/2025 16:57

Change jobs.

upandleftthenright · 16/07/2025 17:00

You’ve had a crush, where you can project all your hopes and create the perfect partner. He might’ve indulged in mild flirting but he’s not the man you’ve got pictured in your head. Time for a cool down and back to reality. We all daydream but don’t throw away a marriage for a fantasy.

monicagellerbing · 16/07/2025 17:01

He was flirting with the aim of sleeping with you and when you haven’t been forthcoming he’s moved on. Seriously, forget him he’s a creep

1Strawberrycat · 16/07/2025 17:03

If you can hold your nerve this feeling will go away. But it will take time. And you will have to work at it.

Celynfour · 16/07/2025 17:39

Would you be able to have some counselling to help you work through the feelings ?

Subwaystop · 17/07/2025 03:05

It might be helpful to learn about limmerence. There’s a subreddit on Reddit for people in the throes of it. Basically it’d a crush that’s gotten totally out of hand and lives in your head as a completely fantastical relationship. After the initial crush high, it can become agonizing. You feel like your brain is hijacked. The most tried and true solution is to go no contact. I’m not sure if it’s possible for you but if it is, for most people it snuffs it out and then you can see reality instead of your built up fantasy.

RedJamDoughnut · 17/07/2025 07:14

Best it stops now, you don't want to be the subject of gossip. Its OK to fancy other people but just leave it there. Workplace flirting is incredible cringe to watch.

Affairs blow up your world and the world of the partners.
You could be sujected to HR sexual harassment investigation, loss of job.

You could lose your home, family years of misery.

Always end relationships before starting new ones.

It will pass x

Bennettfan · 17/07/2025 20:58

It sounds really difficult. I think it’s ok to have a bit of a flirt at work sometimes - or maybe that’s the wrong word - more have a bit of a slightly sparky conversation with someone/clicking with someone. But he’s married and so are you. Maybe in another life? Who knows. But the life you have is the one in front of you and that’s what you need to cultivate.

Mumptynumpty · 17/07/2025 23:06

I would imagine him doing all the stuff domestically that long term partners do. Not flushing the loo ugh. Passing wind. Snoring. Cutting toe nails. Not taking a share of the domestic stuff. Being picky over food. Clipped nasal hair in the sink. Being an awful drunk. Being awful to kids and pets etc. Whining about everything.

Glad I'm single actually 😃

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