Those that married after a long time together...

[GG1986]

Are you still married? Did it change your relationship for better or worse? Me and partner been together for 14 years and now thinking of finally getting married, but I have heard of a lot of people getting married long into their relationships and then separating soon after?

We had been together 7 years when we got engaged and now have been married 20 years. I think the secret is not to let the 'day' dictate to you. We also felt uncomfortable about accepting lots of gifts as we'd already set up home together some years earlier so made it very clear we would happy just for our guests to come rather than feel they had to give a gift. Regarding the wedding I would keep things how you would both like it.

To be honest I wanted to be married before having children and I did communicate that to my now husband. We've been happy though not without our difficulties but then that's relationships/marriage for you.

We were together 10 years before we married and just had our 10 year wedding anniversary...and surprise baby 13 years after the last one 😂

Together 38 years but married for only 13 years. Hasn't made much difference really.

Not me but my DH. He and his ex were together for 15 years and then split less than a year after they married.

Not me personally, but generally the people I know who did this, it was a situation where one of them wanted to get married and the other didn’t. The relationship was struggling. One offered marriage as a plaster on the situation, maybe to placate the other, maybe as a last ditch effort, maybe because they thought it would fix all the problems (like people think a baby will). But it doesn’t and then it all falls apart even more and they finally split for good, like the probably should have before getting married.

Is there a reason you are thinking about getting married now, but haven’t before? I think the answer lies there.

I think it depends why you're thinking of getting married.

I know several couples who got wed after many years together for the sake of inheritance tax, clarifying NOK and the likes. All still together.

The three that I know that tried to fix their dying relationships by getting married are all now divorced.

The couples who I've known to get married later in their relationship, all ended in divorce.

As Pp said - depends on the reasons. We got married after 16 years. Been together 23 years in total. Has been surprisingly positive - I never wanted to get married but it’s actually quite nice.

Neither of us were arsed about a wedding but wanted the benefits of being married. Took us 17yrs to do and it was very low key as it felt a bit weird getting married after kids, mortgage and a long shared life together

We were together for 13 years before marrying five years ago. Being older we did it for all the sensible reasons and I didn't really expect it to feel different but it does, in a good way.

Agree with pp - we got married 8 years ago after 17 years together. Was really for practical/tax type reasons. Was a nice day but very low key (but an excuse for cake is good). Didn’t change anything and I don’t think any more likely to break up but it wasn’t about a big romantic gesture sticking plaster to cover up cracks.

I always thought renewing your vows was the ‘sticking plaster’ gesture?

I’ve recently got married after 15 years together, we have only done it for tax reasons so we just went to the registry office with two witnesses and got on with our normal lives. The whole thing took less than 30 mins.

I think it depends on your reasons for getting married, lots of people get married to try and show themselves that they are in a strong relationship when cracks start showing. If you do it for this reason it is bound to fail

We were together for 13 yrs , with 2 children, and decided to get married. We had a few practical reasons why we wanted to get married (mainly Brexit related) and I’m not sure we would’ve gone for it otherwise. However, we were surprised by how much we liked being husband and wife 😄. Coming up for 9 years and still happy.

DH and I were together for 25 years before getting married 8 years ago. Made no difference to our lives other than practical/legal/next of kin type reasons

We had a small registry office wedding with our widowed mums, DCs (his and ours), DGC and two of his siblings. Bit of a do at our home afterwards and a honeymoon weekend in a very rainy and windswept Bournemouth.

We got married after 18 years together. Mainly for sensible and practical reasons but we were both surprised at how much we love being married! I was worried it would change things but it hasn’t, it’s made things easier really. We had a fabulous and very relaxed wedding day 10 years ago and have been very happy ever since

This. ^ Sort of. Couples I have known who are together for 9-12 years or so and then get married (in their early 30s or so,) end up divorced within 3 years.

Couples who have been together say 20 to 25 years or more - who get married in their 50s (for example) usually for legal reasons/security/to be the next of kin usually do stay together.

Why do you 'love being married' moreso than just being together?

Sorry, not picking or goading. Just genuinely curious.

We got married after 15 years together, mostly because we were getting older and felt we were committed and might as well make it legal to save hassle. We had family and friends who lost their wife/husband to cancer and decided that if one of us did become ill then it would just simplify things if we were legally married. I didn't want the hassle of discovering that DHs mother was still his 'next of kin' and got to make decisions, for eg.

It just seemed simpler and easier to finally tie the knot. I was happy living together, but I'm happier married. I'd had a rubbish first marriage and was in no hurry to do that again which is probably why it took me so long second time round.

We've now been married a dozen or so years and life is better than ever. Happily retired together now. Pretty sure we aren't going to divorce.

D’h’ isn’t my husband at all, I call him dh on here because dp could be confused for parent!
We’ve been together over 20 years and have said the only reason we’d marry would be for ease upon death for the surviving partner. As it is we’ve got solid wills and jointly own our properties etc so don’t feel the need to marry.
But most people I know who got married later in life did so for the same reasons we considered. And are still together.

Thanks so much for your replies. It would be for legal reasons and also because we have children and I want to have the same surname. We could have married years ago, but life got in the way, family deaths, illness, buying a house, having babies etc. We are both on the same page, but also both quite lazy/hate planning and get overwhelmed over things like this. We are in our early 40s.

Usually because they are getting married as a sticking plaster.

If you both love and respect each other, like each other and can communicate and want the same type of future, you'll be fine.

It really doesn’t feel any different being married. We got married after 10 years and it just feels like always but I’ve got his name which is special 😊

We got married after 12 years together because I wanted to be married before having dch. He found the idea of saying those vows in front of friends and family embarrassing, which is why he put it off. I gave him an ultimatum and we got married four months later and had twins within the year. My wedding day poured with rain but I was so happy! Been together over 40 years now. It's nice making that commitment if you are both committed to the relationship.