Should I give up on dating?

[Lm4065]

I’m in my early 30s and I have been single for 5 years. I’ve dated (not slept with) many men in that time, mainly from the apps. I’ve had a few short term relationships in that time. But none I have really been that fussed about.

I’m successful, own my own home, have lots of friends, hobbies, in shape and attractive (long blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, slim ect)

I’ve been through so much rubbish in dating men. They usually expect so much from me without giving really anything in return. for example, they expect sex, without even trying to find out what gets me off. They expect support without even listening to my thoughts and feelings. They can’t provide and usually earn less than me. They expect me to organise everything and cook for them. They are not particularly interesting people, not many hobbies or friends, interested in politics or travel or have anything they are particularly passionate about. Basically they expect me to make their life better whilst they can just exist. Thanks patriarchy. I’ve started to hate men. Most of my friends who are married with kids are miserable and complain. Their life does not appeal to me I’m sorry to say. But then they sometimes turn to me and judge me for still being single and I feel embarrassed to say another date hasn’t worked out.

I’ve just realised I’ve been putting myself through so much rubbish with men, for what?! To try and end up married with children, but most likely miserable because I would be most likely doing everything (family slave almost). I would be so resentful.

I don’t want that. I would love to find a decent and caring man but I don’t think they really exist anymore. And they don’t have to change, because many women will put up with a lot just to not be single.

The alternative is to enjoy my freedom and single life, but there will be judgment from society. People don’t understand how one can be happy single.

I don’t know what to do I’m so fed up. How do you find a decent man? Or how do you learn to not care what people think and reject the ideas of what a successful woman looks like without being judged as bitter and jaded?

OP it sounds like those dates are the only things wrong with an otherwise lovely life. Does it really matter what other people think if you stop playing the dating app tombola?
Give yourself a break from it, at least for a while. If you'd like to meet someone the old fashioned way, you need to stop trying. Take up hobbies and activities that appeal to you, and you might find someone that way (but it would be a by-product). At least you will find people with similar interests to you, whether or not you find a partner.
You don't need to make any excuses, to anyone, for living your life your way. It sounds pretty great to me!

The alternative is to enjoy my freedom and single life, but there will be judgment from society. People don’t understand how one can be happy single.

I dont understand this at all OP.
Why should society judge you if you chose to stay single? And even if it did why should you care?

I've been looking properly for the last five plus years and I've also come to the conclusion that its not worth the effort.

You get to the point when you realise that your simply not what women want.

I'm ten years older and it's just the same! Except, I don't feel any judgement from other people... if they are judging me I'm oblivious to it. Women my age are all talking about perimenopause, and several friends are considering divorce after years of doing everything for their husbands. I feel quite grateful I bypassed the whole marriage thing and mostly just enjoyed single life. My last relationship was a shitshow, and although I enjoy the company of men, I think so many of them are just incapable of having a real relationship. If I meet someone who can prove me wrong, great, but I'll not hold my breath. After we split a year ago, I decided to meet new people with the intention of friendship only, and honestly it's been much better than dating. Less excitement and drama, but lots of fun and good conversation, and I think friends are more likely to stick around in tough times.

From the sounds of it, you're doing fine. I think the only thing you need to change is to stop judging yourself. I believe we are all brainwashed by the patriarchy into believing all sorts of fallacies, and it takes conscious effort to rewire our thinking. You're obviously aware, which is the first step. I think if you take some time to reflect on your beliefs, and why you hold them, you might realise alot of it is untrue. Therapy, journalling, lots of self-help and psychotherapy books out there might be helpful too.

Stop caring what people think. Those who judge single women, may be miserable and trying to convince themselves their boring but safe life is the best option.

You are correct, men are typically quite selfish. People in general are self absorbed. We all need to create our own life contentment.

I was listening to a podcast the other day that said the happiest groups of people are married men and single women.

Def take a break from dating and see how you go, I’m happily single and have been for a long time, can’t see me ever bothering with men again tbh.

You say the same as many people claim that you only meet a certain type of men from dating apps. The answer is get out and about and join in socially at places where you will meet men but have time to suss them out first eg pub quiz team, sports, park runs . The answer to me is obvious if you don't like the men from a dating app then don't keep meeting them from a dating app.

You're early 30s. You don't have to "commit" to choosing what you want for the rest of your life. Do what suits you right now. I think more and more people are staying single now. I have two DC both in their 30s and both single by choice. Of their friends, some are in relationships, but others are also single. It's not "weird" or unusual any more. You only get one life. Do what makes you happy, it doesn't matter what other people think.

There are three times more men than women on dating apps because women will happily stay single for longer than men. Factor in all the married men, partnered men, scammers, and undateable men on apps, and what remains is a small pool of men who are dateable for you. You will find people on here who met their DHs on apps, but that's not helpful to you if the apps are serving you up disappointing choices. Men are having a bad time too; it is obvious in their profiles, which are getting increasingly frustrated and angry. It's a shit-show for everyone, and with Bumble laying off 30% of their staff, I wonder if dating apps are on their way out. Live your life and I bet the universe serves you up a lovely person in the wild. Wishing you all the best x