Really struggling

[Heartbrokenanddevastated]

Beloved Partner of ten years left me nearly a year ago. It was a major bombshell and total betrayal. I am really spiralling with anxiety tonight. I’m not sure what’s making it worse - not seeing my DC for several days (‘he stayed living in our house so by default has been living with DC) I miss DC more than words can say. Ex’s verbal cruelty to me has been off the scale. I feel like something in me has broken today, does it ever end? I just feel like there is no human kindness in my world anymore.

It won't end as long as he has the opportunity to be verbally cruel. Don't give it to him. He's to contact you about the kids only, and even for that he must use an email you create just for that purpose, so that if you're not feeling strong, you can avoid it. Under no circumstances is he allowed to get personal with you. If he does, cut contact off completely and use scheduling software to plan for the kids.
Low to no contact is the only way with toxic exes like this. Believe me when I tell you that you will start feeling better when he can no longer mess with your emotions.

Do I have this right- he has stayed in the family home with the kids and you live elsewhere? If he does it was a mistake to let him run you out of the family home. He's the one who broke up the marriage, so he should have left. I'm guessing there is another woman in the picture. What is the custody agreement? Do the kids live with him? If so, that's got to be fixed. Do you have legal representation?
There is surely some kindness in your world. There just isn't any in him, but he is no longer part of your world. That's what you have to accept. Feel free to DM me if you need support. ❤️

I have learned to laugh at the idiocy of my ex, who texted me recently to try to pull some financial shenanigans on me. I nipped that in the bud, whereupon he suddenly got too "busy" to continue the conversation he started. It's been crickets ever since.😄 Crickets from a toxic ex are the goal. You'll get there.

thenk you so much for commenting. I’m sorry for your situation but you sound very strong. Yes you have it right - he has stayed in our family home with DC and I was forced to leave. He made it very clear I was no longer welcome in our home. The home that we painstakingly renovated together. We were such an amazing team. I thought he was so kind and lovely, for so many years, and then he just turned and treats me like I don’t exist. I was suffering from awful anxiety and he just blamed me for not feeling better - I was trying everything but had suffered a major health crisis /possible PTSD. Which he just dismissed, in the end - ‘get your shit together’ kind of approach, or mocking me when I would jerk awake with anxiety. The cruel things that have come out of his mouth are beyond comprehension. I feel dehumanised, ejected from the only family I will ever have. Just broken.

If you can afford it, pay for some therapy.
Make your life really busy. Reach out to friends, make plans to catch up with them, go on a solo holiday or join a holiday for solos group. Join a gym or swim regularly.

You need distractions.

See a lawyer and get a line drawn under the sh*t he’s dishing out. Find out what your rights are.

There’s loads of supportive help on Instagram & Facebook for you to search and check in with.

It can take absolutely ages to get through a breakup. It’s not linear, it comes in waves. You will get through this but you need to start thinking about how to empower yourself. He doesn’t hold all the cards. This I know!

Please tell us you've seen a solicitor about what you're entitled to OP.? He can't just tell you to bugger off and that's that.

We weren’t married (only engaged) so it seems he is legally entitled to just cut me off, with no income, left me essentially homeless - said he didn’t care where I went as long as it ‘wasn’t here’. I felt the atmosphere would be so toxic for our DC if I stayed and let him continue to abuse me verbally. All I can glean from past arguments, is when I was feeling really very ill with anxiety (probable PTSD from major trauma) he thinks I was ‘abusive’ because I was feeling so desperate and told him about it, hoping for support. He was initially but then became cruel which just made things worse and worse. I think he thinks I ‘abused’ him because I shared these feelings with him.

Thank you. It certainly feels this way atm. I am feeling so anxious and hopeless that doing these things is very hard. I’m better when I’m with DC but that is less than 50 percent and never in our family home as he won’t allow that. My DC are suffering greatly, missing me, he won’t believe it.

Good God OP, what an abusive asshole.
I know you don't think it, but you're lucky you're away from him.
Get some professional help and get stronger! You can do it.
Stay focused for your kids, they're the only thing that matters. Stay strong and good luck 👍

I'm sure that you hear similar words/sentences from him, that you are no good etc. Rehearse what you'd like to say to him to respond to him.
Listen to his words, realise that he is only taunting you and say exactly how you feel in a very calm controlled way.
We are no longer together, unless you have something to discuss about our child, I wont take any notice of what you have to say.
Take the control away from him and take it back.

Remove the beloved from your words and write down exactly who he is, because you are still seeming to put him to be the great love of your life and this has changed.

You are letting him break you, but you are so much stronger than that. Believe in yourself.

Please see a layer. He’s bullied you into thinking you’re entitled to nothing. Not true at all, even being unmarried. You’ve renovated a home together - did you pay for any of that? Also he can’t just kick you out and demand the kids that much. Esp if you were the primary carer. I’d focus on redirecting your emotions to anger - you have every right to be. Time to stand up for yourself and fight this abusive prick

He tskes every opportunity to run me down. It’s exhausting and heartbreaking and cruel. Extra cruel from someone you loved. Who thought I was lovely and kind and wanted to protect me. And now hate and contempt comes from every pore. He’s now just a one person attacking squad firing shots and hurtful words. Maybe he’s not even aware. So eg ; if I was late to pick up Dc he would berate me. If he was late I would buy him a soft drink and make sure he wasnt stressed or feeling pressured as traffic happens to everyone. Basic human kindness. It’s gone. I hoped he would soften and realise he’s being awfully cruel. But no.

Thank you. He was always compassionate but now it’s been replaced with coldness and cruelty which no one deserves. I was struggling with MH after an incredibly hard few years. I didn’t cheat or try and hurt him. I do have equity in the home but he’s paying mortgage so says I’m not welcome. So hurtful. And takes me from my DC who misses me so much and says her heart hurts and it’s ‘peaceful’ with me. I want peace for everyone, not this utter mess. She deserves so much better.

Awful. Do not let him do it. He think he can walk over you and your kindness. Get tough, fight for your child. As said, he cannot just keep her like that nor throw you out. Go to lawyers, free hour at first. Tell him you’re selling the house to get your share. His switch must be down to something. Usually another woman