Still in love with ex 😫

[shybee223]

hello everyone, so as title suggests I’m still so heartbroken 6 months on after breakup
my ex had a affair for 2 months he left in January and has since leaving the family home gone on holiday and moved in with his now partner. Within this time he has lied and told me he stopped speaking to her and we slept together 🤦🏻‍♀️when I realised he was lying again I cut contact although not for long becouse of the children but arranged through family for 2 months , recently I have seen him for the first time and he decides to tell me he loves me and that he always has ? He could be a really good actor but he said this with tears in his eyes which broke me 😫I finally started to try and move on from all the heartbreak and get on with my life ! Now all these feelings have come back stronger than ever but the thing is he knows he’s with her his family know everyone knows 😕 I still love him I really wish I didn’t

Of course you still love him, because you haven't yet accepted that the man you loved is a hologram. He wasn't real. The real him just isn't a good person. He's been jerking you around like a yo-yo and probably having a grand time doing it.

He can probably put on fake tears. They may even been real tears, but that does not mean they are tears over you. People like him can get teary with self pity when they experience the natural consequences of their own actions. Maybe he had a fight with OW who found out he shagged you. Who knows. Don't buy into his "love" bullshit and go as low contact as possible. Please, for the sake of your kids if not yourself, no more sex with that walking petri dish. God knows how many women he could be juggling. Move on with your life and you'll have the chance to find somebody who treats you with kindness and respect.

The guy you love is a fantasy. Sorry don't allow him to destroy you.
Be strong for yourself and dcs 💐

I am really sorry OP, what a lousy start to the year.

Except that, he's her problem now. Let them have each other. I know guilt is part of the equation where children and biological families are concerned, but honestly, he has allowed you to think about your future without owing him any loyalty.

A really helpful concept on here a few months ago was that a woman who thinks she loves a man who has treated her really badly, does not, in fact, love him at all. She is desperate. Whether that is to hold a family together, stay connected to her child's parent, or just to avoid being alone, it is desperation rather than love. Like the PP said, it's also about not having accepted that the man you loved was a hologram, not a real person at all. Maybe there's some desperatiom to hold onto an illusion. I know that I've been there a few times.

It can be so many things...but it isn't love.

It really helped a friend of mine 😉

Thank you everyone we was together for about 16 years have 3 dc so much has happened this year and it’s so hard seeing him with someone else just have to
ignore it all and just remind myself how badly he’s treated me 💔 it’s almost like he still wants some form of control over me why he says these things but doesn’t want to let new partner go it’s weird 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sorry you've been through so much.

It is totally normal to feel this way since you have so much history together. I feel like he felt you moving on and tried to manipulate you. Is it because he genuinely understands he made a terrible mistake in betraying you like this, or is it because it didn't work out with the other woman? We will never know.

I am someone who tends to think 'once a cheater, always a cheater' but appreciate some people can change.

From my point of view, I would be scared to let him back in as I think he could hurt you again.

I'm not telling exactly what to do because you're the one involved in this situation and you'll know best. Trust your gut 💕

Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it.

it’s almost like he still wants some form of control over me why he says these things

It's not almost like, it's exactly like.

If he loved you, he'd want to be with you and only you. If he loved her, he'd want to be with her and only her.

But he is only capable of loving himself - and he REALLY loves himself.

Look at it this way — if he really did love YOU he would break off his relationship tell everyone how much he regretted his decision, be the best version of himself in the hopes you would take him back one day but also know that he didn’t deserve you.

Instead he loves HIMSELF. Now he’s in a relationship with the OW it’s not as exciting as going behind your back (hence why he tried to recreate that excitement by sleeping with you behind her back). There are more logistics being separated and he has more responsibilities for the kids. He no doubt had it easier when you were together but he would never risk being on his own and breaking up with his OW in case you didn’t take him back. Also he quite likes having both women wanting him so if you move on he’s only got her and that doesn’t satisfy his ego now he’s used to having two women on the go. He is extremely selfish coming to you in tears saying he loves you whilst expecting you to sort out the mess he made. Cut him off, move on and let him deal with the fall out knowing he cheated on her too so she’s not that special to him — no one is.

He does want control over you. Toxic men never want to let go of control, even if they leave you. They will mess with you in various ways just so they feel in control of your life. Once you understand that, it becomes easier to deny them that sense of control because you know what they are up to. Just use rock solid, fully enforced boundaries. Show zero emotion, as being cold and firm is a control freak repellent. He'll get the hint eventually and look for others to play his games on.