I have been with my husband for 17years, married for 13 and with two beautiful children. I feel like I have come to the end of the road in my marriage. After a long period of serious ups and downs, I thought we were in a good place. We've just returned from holiday, both just been offered great new jobs, plans were all on course. Then he went out with his friend and was thrown out of a bar for making a sexual comment to a bar maid. He defends this as an innocent joke but on speaking to the bar manager I can tell you it wasn't. His words to the bar maid were "you're husband must be a lucky man" when she was shaking a cocktail maker. I am absolutely mortified and cannot beleive he would say that. The version of him I get at home is usually great. He's attentive, hard working, good with the kids etc but there's a huge part of me struggling with his mood swings, he can be very irritable and act like he can't be bothered with anything. He sometimes swears in front of the kids despite me repeatedly asking him not to. He tells me I'm beautiful every day but then I saw on his phone that he had been scrolling through sexy pics. I realise some of this may not sound extreme enough to leave but there has been a pattern before and I have told him not do to treat me like that. He has agreed and we've moved on. Then he does it again. It's at the point where I never know which version I am getting. He can be a horrible drunk, cheeky, reckless and embarrassing. Again many arguments over the years, a short period of stopping drinking then slowly falling back into the patterns. I just can't take it any more. I have been through the most difficult time of my life in the past 2 years and instead of supporting me this is what I get. On top of that, my mum is very protective and already knew he made sleazy comments before so she is so mad at him and thinks I should leave. Her initial words were, it's like he's a good man 90% of the time and awful in the other 10. Now she just thinks perhaps she doesn't know him, she thinks I'm a fool. So on top of everything else I have that to contend with as the relationship with them is now fractured it would be very difficult if we were to stay together. We are normally a very close family that lots of things together. I feel so disrespected and betrayed. He knows exactly what I need from him and how I feel but has continued to do things he promised me time and time again would stop. We have always been very good at communicating. Always had a very loving, passionate relationship but I wonder is he unhappy and this is why he's so up and down or why he feels a need to look at pictures of other women. I just don't know. He is now pelad8ng for my forgiveness. Promising me he will do what it takes, not go out, get rid of his phone etc etc but that's not the life I want. I don't want to have to keep him beside me all the time for him to behave. He's never cheated and tbh I don't think he's that type of man but then I didn't think he would be the type of man to make disgusting comments to women and pass it off as a joke.
Any advice appreciated. What do i do !