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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage break up

5 replies

Superman1988 · 14/07/2025 16:14

Where to start, my name is Alex, I’m 37 years old. Married and have a beutiful 5 year old daughter. 2 weeks ago, my wife decided to end our 8 year marriage, we have grown distant for a few years now. Not much intimacy, sex or general warmth from earth other. Even going out turned into a hardship. To understand the reasons with me. I have cannabis addiction, an addiction which I always told myself wouldn't affect my friends, family and work life. And unfortunately it has effected everything.nothing over the top to what I know people smoke, but when you it spending your evenings inside a shed smoking for a couple hours every night. Over time it does take an effect.

it all started two weeks last Sunday, after we visited my parents for Sunday dinner, we got home, but my daughter to be,she came down and said we aren’t compatible anymore, she still loves me but isn’t in love with me! Obviously my emotions, the fear of the my daughter coming from a broken family, me having the traditional values of having both a mum and dad present and in love and to show my daughter. Broke me, I feel empty and useless as a human, husband and a father. She basically stone faced be for over a week, not much talking or communicating.

one of the worse things is did is take her for granted. Which spiralled out of control. Her taking control of the house, being the one who parents our child. And me, in her own words, was being with a son than a man!

there’s been some arguments amongst the last few weeks. One being a picture which was left faced leaning back in my wardrobe with the picture of me and her. It was such a position that it felt done on purpose to gain a reaction. When confronted, she used the fact I wanted to keep memories of our life like some joint pictures, family pictures and pictures of our child. Tik this point she denies any wrong doing. Using that fact I wanted to keep some pictures or the frames in question, when pushed to give me an answer. She just said you wanted the frame! But why leave the picture in? Maybe to her it was a bad reminder of the past we once shared.

another issue I’ve had to contend with, is not that she doesn’t love me or finds me attractive, only since I did my own reasearch, it’s not only the appearance but the character of me. I became isolated, didn’t find joy in the world, love or enjoying life!

the next issue which I find weird, is one day I turned round and told here I didn’t love her anymore, which she said that’s fine. Which gave me relieve for like an hour, than realised I was kidding myself, I do love her!

the following day we had another argument whilst our daughter was out. I pressed her more, which in turn made her mention that I said I didn’t love her! Which I find bizarre because it didn’t bother her at the time.

another he r one was our open discussion about new relationships, hoping I would find and other woman and have a family! I just don’t know how to take this!

any advice would be appreciated and any question you may have to understand my predicament.

OP posts:
WildJustice · 14/07/2025 16:40

I can imagine if my dh was sitting in a shed smoking every evening it would be such a turn off.
It sounds like you have made yourself more of a burden than a partner and it is assumed that your wife is the caretaker of your child and your time is for yourself not your family.

You seem to have an ideal of a two parent family in your head, but are not putting on the work to create this.

I can imagine there are some huge changes needed to save this, especially if she sees you as an additional child and not a partner.
I think you would probably need the outside help of a counsellor to help navigate this.

Superman1988 · 14/07/2025 17:13

A agree. I’ve already set that ball in motion with a hour long conversation with a councillor tomorrow. Hopefully bring clarity to me and my way of thinking. I’ve got some serious Mike’s stones to overcome, and I don’t in anyway deny the feelings my wife has. On a positive note I’m spending more time with my daughter than I ever have! And she loves me dearly and so do I.

weed is off putting I agree, I never envisioned my life to become what it has.

OP posts:
Confusedorabused · 14/07/2025 18:37

So you leave her to do everything for you and she ends up seeing you as another child (a weed-smoking teenager), tell her you don't love her anymore, and are surprised she says she wants out and is "stone walling" you? (She is likely NOT BTW, it's just that her decision is made)
I think that ship has sailed, allow her to go and find a real.partner for her, who can put effort into building that "2-parents family" you seem so keen on.

YodasHairyButt · 14/07/2025 18:40

You stopped feeding your marriage and it has inevitably starved to death. Let her go and work on yourself, stop the drugs and make sure you are a better father than you were a husband.

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 14/07/2025 18:56

I don't think there is much advice to give, just divorce and do parenting classes, read up on child development and how to be an excellent parent.
The marriage is long over, so no need to argue with your ex.

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