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Relationships

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Is this sensible or more enabling?

2 replies

Stoppedlurking4this · 14/07/2025 14:08

I have asked my husband to leave and go to his mother's for many reasons but including not engaging with work and not engaging in therapy to get to the bottom of it. I got fed up of it as I was working, paying all the bills, hardly any UC because of my salary which meant the people going without were me and the kids. I was the one asking him to go to therapy, sending him jobs, even sending him volunteering opportunities which he wasnt doing. After I told him to go to his mums he self referred to talk therapy and seems to be trying to make an effort.
My question is, should I speak to his mum about this? We get on well and I don't want her to be surprised by it but I want to make sure he's accessing therapy for the kids sake more than anything else. Everyone says ( and I know they're right) that in order for therapy to work the person receiving it needs to make the decision to engage.

OP posts:
ThymeandBasil · 14/07/2025 15:25

Personally I wouldn't involve his mum.

Apart from the fact I dont think inviting a third party into a marriage is a good thing surely the object of the therapy is to give him the tools to behave like an adult as regards work, finance etc. so bringing his mum into things is perpetuating his status as a man child.

Stoppedlurking4this · 14/07/2025 15:54

ThymeandBasil · 14/07/2025 15:25

Personally I wouldn't involve his mum.

Apart from the fact I dont think inviting a third party into a marriage is a good thing surely the object of the therapy is to give him the tools to behave like an adult as regards work, finance etc. so bringing his mum into things is perpetuating his status as a man child.

Actually that is a very good point I hadn't even thought of!

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