Backstory: husband & I had an argument 2 yrs ago in a car out of town, when our arguments were v toxic. He was being aggresive, shouting, which got me scared. I began crying, told him I don't want to be near him & got out. I walked away in a state of panic, he tried to find me in his car. He called me. I told him to leave me alone I don't feel comfortable sitting with him. He told me to get in car, I refused. I said I'll make my own way home I'm scared of you, so he left me 2 hours away from home.
When back, he was fuming, saying I broke his trust, he can't take me anywhere. It's his duty to bring me home. I apologised profusely, said I was wrong for running away, I promised I'd never do that again.
We made an agreement that if I have a panic attack in the car, I need to step out to breathe. He agreed, adding that I should tell him how much time I need.
Fast forward 2 years. I've never made the same mistake again.
We've been in a good place for months, very loving, affectionate.
I sensed distance from him for a few days. We went out of town and he asked what's wrong. I said I was anxious, feeling paranoid he's up to something. He became angry, shouting that he's sick of me bringing it up. He became more n more aggresive. It escalated. He got in my face. He threw something at the car screen it cracked. I had a panic attack. He sped off. I begged him to let me out, I can't breathe. He refused. I pleaded, he refused. I told him its for my health I cant breathe. He refused. Until finally just before letting me out he asked "how long?"- I couldn't answer I needed air, I stepped out. He shouted "were done, u chose this, never come back" people were walking by. And he sped of leaving me with my phone still In his car. No money.
I waited for 40mins trying to calm down. Thinking he'll come back. Shocked he'd actually left me. I found a stranger using their phone asked my brother for a lift, he rang my husband n told him to pick me up.
He came back with no choice as he didn't want to answer to my brother.
He told me it was all my fault. I chose to break our agreement.
I told him he's aware of my panic attacks, I can't think logically or respond. He called me manipulative.
He blames me fully. I said what if something happened, you broke my trust. He said I dont care, you left.
He told me not to speak to him. It is now day 4 and not a single word.
I said I dont have any support, I need to speak to my family. He said if I do, he will leave me.
I don't understand how he could explode,switch in one instance, after months of happiness. I don't understand how he could leave me to fend for myself turn off all care and empathy for me.
Idk what to do.I'm blaming myself bc my panic attacks used to be terrible for yrs of our marraige they affected him a lot. Better control over them now and have them rarely. But they're always triggered in our arguments by the way he acts.
He comes from a toxic family. His father has always verbally abused his mum. They are controlling and Inconsiderate people.
He refuses therapy.