Trips away

[Badgerstmary]

My dh has been invited on 6 trips away with friends without me this year.(Stag do/ 50th…) Most of them are weekends & he is only taking 1/2 day off work, but one is a week. We don’t normally go away without each other apart from last year he went away for a week. He used to work every other weekend so childcare fell to me. He now doesn’t work any weekends & the dc are now teens & in their 20’s.
I have planned a family trip abroad & a night for us all camping.
I told him I’m happy for him to go away with friends but I’d appreciate him booking the same amount of trips for us. Realistically just a couple of nights away would be a start. Needless to say it’s now July & he hasn’t booked anything. I am feeling unloved & don’t know what to do. I do realise he hasn’t booked any of these himself & I am always the one to initiate trips but…

Yep, I was in a relationship like yours OP. My ex was quite passive in arranging things but his friend's were not. I would arrange things and because he had so many "regular" standing trips with his friends it felt like he wasn't that interested in ours. Sorry, you're not being unreasonable, totally understand where you are coming from.

Use the jealousy to your advantage, and work out what it's telling you. Then do something about it.

I would say very clearly one more time that you would appreciate some trips away with him, you'd love to go to x, y, and do these things, how does he feel? and let him either book them or not.

Meanwhile I would book some really nice events and trips with friends, solo, whatever. Unless this is a financial issue, do you have access and the ability to spend money on trips for yourself like he does?

Exactly what I did this year. My partner booked a week long golfing trip so I booked myself a week in an all inclusive adults only resort the same week. Loved it.

He was a bit taken aback but what could he say?

Some of you seem to think that they are all special one off events that dh is going on but that is only the case for 2 of them.
I also have not & would never say that he can’t go on these trips. That is not what our marriage is about & would be far too controlling. We have our own van so I’m not even expecting him to book anything expensive, just to book something. I also don’t expect & wouldn’t want to go away the same amount of times that he is going. Fortunately most of the trips are in the Uk & not very expensive, camping.

I have had a similar issue with my DH. So far this year he’s had - skiing with mates for 4 days, golf weekend (over my birthday - 4 days, cricket - 2 days away and sport event - 2 days away. He’s away for another sport event a week in September.

His response is always ‘you can have the same trips away’ but it’s like military operation if I go away (kids need looking after still). One night in the Uk for a parents birthday meant him having to come back from a conference early. He travels with work lots.

I will have a couple of girls trips but it won’t match his.

And it’s the same thing that annoys me as you OP. Where’s the investment in our relationship and our time away together? We’ll do a family holiday but not quite the same.

For me it’s indicative of where he puts our relationship- at the bottom of his priorities..I don’t have much advice but lots of sympathy. I will see how this pans out over the next few years as kids are older but it’s something I am keeping an eye on as it doesn’t make me that happy.

Lots of friends in similar situations though..