How to bring up ED?

[ToBeOrNotToBee]

I've been dating this lovely. We're getting to know each other well and so far everything has been great.

However, and he just can't seem to get an erection and when he does by some miracle, loses it very quickly and very easily.

It means that on the 5 occasions we've tried, we've successfully had sex the once.

He's bought it up before, mentioning that alot of it is psychological. I don't believe it's medical but I could be wrong. He doesn't do drugs, barely drinks, and lives alone healthy active lifestyle. He also blames age (were mid 30s!!).

He's mentioned that in the past an ex of was cheating, and he found out by the man sending him a video of the bloke shagging the girlfriend. Yeah that would do it.

I've been very supportive and haven't once showed annoyance, pressurised him or tried to make him feel unworthy.

I know sex isn't everything and there's many many brilliant things about this man. But holy crap I need to have sex. I need to cum.

How do I approach this wise women of mumsnet.

Does he watch porn?

When he brought it up, did he talk about what he's doing to resolve it? I couldn't be in a relationship with no sex.

Do you rely on PiV to orgasm? I never orgasmed with PiV so that wouldn’t be the issue. It’s just the sensation which clever use of toys would cover.

Does he orgasm? Enjoy foreplay?

It has been brought up but you didn't complete the conversation.

What is he doing about it. If you leave it he will think that you're okay with 1/5

Lifelong sufferer of occasional bouts of ED here. It's psychogical with me too, basically it's just doesn't happen one night for whatever reason, maybe I'm tired, or stressed or something, and then the next time I'm thinking about what happened, and worrying it's gonna happen again, and so it does, and then I'm stuck in a recurring loop, until at some point I'm just not again.

The most reliable way to get me out of that loop is for me losing me erection to not be the end of the session. I still have fingers, a mouth, toys, and as long as I can still ensure that DPs having fun, then I am too and it doesn't linger in my mind as much as if the evening just ends with a letdown.

So if you do want this guy to relax and hopefully get over it, then let him know that you're still up for carrying on regardless.

And if you decide that it's too much hassle, and he's not worth it, then that's alright too, this is his issue to deal with, not yours.

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