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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being unreasonable?

5 replies

Amibeingunreasonable123 · 13/07/2025 16:35

My sister informed me this week by WhatsApp that she is getting married. This is a marriage of convenience and I have expressed my concerns but said I will support her. She is having a tiny registry office wedding with no real guests or plans for a party. I have been invited to go but it's in 10 days time and in Poland. I called my mum to ask if she's going and whether my other sister is going and they have arranged a trip to Poland together but have not invited me. I feel really hurt and left out. I'm the eldest of 4 and my 3 sisters are half sisters and there's a 12 year age gap so I have always felt like the odd one out. One is autistic and doesn't communicate so I never see her. I call my siblings but they don't reply and I only really see them at Christmas. I had a very bad accident recently after falling off a ladder and had to have emergency surgery and only one of them asked how I was. I was rushed to addenbrooke's in Cambridge where one of my sisters lives and they didn't bother visiting or even calling or texting. They all see each other and do things together and Im always excluded. I have no children, no partner and no other family and just feel so alone in the world. Am I being silly feeling so excluded? Should I say something? I don't want to get an invite just because I've said I'm upset I'm excluded as they clearly don't want me there.

OP posts:
ThymeandBasil · 13/07/2025 16:47

It's awful for you OP.

But you can't change the family dynamics. You can't make them include you and care about you.

It's not your fault they are like this. You need to accept that's the way they are. And get on with your own life.

Have as much or as little contact with them that you can mentally cope with and don't let them detract from your worth as a person.

vincettenoir · 13/07/2025 19:03

You’re not being silly. I’m sorry. I hope you are recovering well after your accident.

Amibeingunreasonable123 · 13/07/2025 20:34

ThymeandBasil · 13/07/2025 16:47

It's awful for you OP.

But you can't change the family dynamics. You can't make them include you and care about you.

It's not your fault they are like this. You need to accept that's the way they are. And get on with your own life.

Have as much or as little contact with them that you can mentally cope with and don't let them detract from your worth as a person.

Thank you. I've got so used to this sort of behaviour (after an abusive childhood where my stepfather beat the crap out of me but no one else) that I wonder if I'm normal to feel hurt. I just feel disappointed but think the best thing is to step away and just speak to them at Christmas perhaps

OP posts:
Amibeingunreasonable123 · 13/07/2025 20:35

vincettenoir · 13/07/2025 19:03

You’re not being silly. I’m sorry. I hope you are recovering well after your accident.

Thank you so much. I'm glad I'm not overreacting.

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 13/07/2025 21:06

Bless you OP.
I would toughen up and only contact them when necessary. Accept your reality, even though it must be heartbreaking. Enrich your life, join clubs or hobbies, don't let their behaviour define your life anymore. Don't give them power.
Hope your injury is healing.

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