Horrible to my partner around the time of the month

[Mystical1981]

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 9 years. Im 41 years old. The past 3 to 4 years ive really struggled with my hormones around the time of the month. A week before my period I feel my mood change and im a completely different person im actually a horrible person in this time frame. I accuse my partner of things which I know deep down he isn't doing, I am really negative about the relationship, sometimes I tell him I dont want to be with him anymore, sometimes I say awful things to him like I hate his.family etc. When I come out of this mood I feel absolutely awful and disgusted with myself but in the moment I cant seem ti stop myself. Sometimes its a week before my period, sometimes a few days after. Once my period has come and gone im back to normal and fine and a nice person. I've been to the doctors but they dont really give me any answers. My partner sticks with me because he knows its the hormones. This month I thought I was doing ok my period came I didn't feel mood or anything but now 2 days after finishing my period ive felt my mood shift and I am aware of it and ive really tried to not be moody and horrible but it takes over me. I dont want to be like this anymore. I feel awful for saying I hate his family..we fell out a few years back I haven't seen his family for about 3 years now and I dont feel any kind of way about it anymore but for some reason when I have these mood shifts it makes me bring up his family and how we fell out and that I hate them even though I actually done that them. I sound crazy? I feel crazy writing this but has anyone else been through this? I thought because I was aware of it that I could control it when it happens but ive tried and I cant.

Oh dear, didn’t want to read and not say anything. The good thing is you are aware of it. Maybe talk to your GP, ? Therapeutic or mental health support.

I dont know the answer op im sure someone will pop on soon to help.
But dont give up trying my mother was like this and it was awful she did not try to help herself and in the end the bitterness awful moods became her 24/7.
It drove us away in the end my step dad had enough and left so did the rest of us.

The thing was she knew what she was doing and said so but still done it.
She was a nightmare to live with.
It started with oh its just my time of the month to its just who i am deal with it.
The blaming spiteful talk walking on egg shells just awful.
Try to see someone for your mental health.
I never believed my mother when she said it was due to her periods at all because no ones hormones can make anyone that spiteful and as i said it became her all the time and she new full well what she was doing.
My step dad was a great man now living in india in peace and i dont blame him for walking out.

See another doctor. You’re going to absolutely destroy your relationship, and your partner, if you don’t find a way to stop being a dick to him. You may feel awful afterwards but you’re still doing it and lashing out rather than going for a walk or punching a pillow or anything less destructive and abusive. He’ll be feeling awful all the time waiting for the next outburst or character assassination, walking on eggshells and trying to avoid upsetting you. Hormones may be a reason for you feeling bad but they’re not an excuse for behaving hatefully. Do you lash out at your boss? Your parents or friends? Or just the poor bastard who lives with you?

Sorry op but you are being abusive and you know your doing it.
If it was a man you would not stand for it.
Him and others are walking on eggshells not to upset you do you do it to others or just him and his family.
You could go for a walk or something to calm down but you choose to be nasty instead.

Sorry but i dont believe it all because of your hormones.
Id be running for the hills if it was me having to live with you.
You are going to drive the man mad or he will up and leave you.

You need to go back to the GP - a different one - and keep going back until you feel heard. It sounds like you may have PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder).

Your DP is not your emotional punching bag and one day you may find he has had enough and walks away from your relationship. Do you behave like this at work? With friends, staff in shops, your family? You don’t mention that you do - just with your DP - because no one else will put up with this behaviour. You need to seek help for your own sanity and that of your relationship, because if a man was behaving like this everyone on here would be calling him abusive.

Have you thought about HRT? My moods were all over the place around my period before I started HRT, I’m (almost) normal now most of the time. I started HRT at 41.

Definitely look into PMDD. There are treatment options for it, but you need to get on and try them for the sake of your relationship. It may take time to find the right one for you, depending on your age, whether you've finished having children etc.