I need break up advice, I hate being alone

[Mum29of2]

So a bit of background info, the other year me and my husband got divorced and I moved on with a man I had known and loved for 14 years, we finally got to be together for a year before he killed himself.
I mourned and someone suggested to me that I go on tinder to find someone that I could start dating again.
After a while I found a guy who was really sweet, ticked every box I had, bought me flowers on the first date (which no one's ever done before), took me out every weekend, it was amazing.
He asked me to be his girlfriend on my birthday and it was just an incredible moment. The next week he told me he wasn't attracted to me in my "mum jeans", said I should always wear something fitted to show off my body and when I explained I have low confidence he said if I don't want to dress nice then I'm not the girl for him. He apologised the next day, that's when I learnt he drinks every day.
These little arguments carried on about silly things and he's always stop talking to me mid argument because he knew it upset me. We ended up breaking up because I asked to see him on a Friday as we were going away Saturday and going out with his friends Sunday and he said I had an attitude and then took Saturday and Sunday away from me by saying he wasn't seeing me.
We started talking again a week later and started seeing each other again. Im a very paranoid person and asked if he was texting anyone else, he said no. I then told him I was falling for him hard, he told me he loved me and that he would t hurt me. We went out last night and spent the night talking about our future kids, where wed get engaged, how he wanted to meet my dad and move in with me. I saw him texting at the top of the stairs and I made a joke about him texting another woman, he said he wasn't.
He then fell asleep watching a film and I fell asleep with him, I woke up and reached for his phone as mine was dead to see the time, and there was a message from a girl confirming plans to see him.
I calmy woke him up and said she'd text and walked off, he then came and laid with me and cuddled me and said "what's wrong" when I explained he signed, and slammed the door when he walked off. I confronted him and he just told me to leave, said we wasn't together anyway and that I'm a phyco like the rest of his ex's and to leave his house now, I was screaming at him to tell me and he just kept saying leave, never gave me an explanation. As I've left he's blocked my number and on Snapchat.

Do you think he'll unblock me once he calms down? I want answers, writing this I can see hes a narcissist but I hate being alone and I want answers x

There will never be any answers from people like him. It's not about you. This is the way he operates. Best thing you can do is block him and be thankful he has shown you who he is early. Walk away. Grey rock. Do not have any further contact with him.

I'm so sorry to hear about your bereavement. That's a terrible thing to go through. But get through it you did. That must have taken its toll.

Surely you know now that you will get through this too. Do not go back.

Kindly, there are no answers to get. You’ve had some awful experiences. Please take some time out to really reflect on them and allow your wounds to heal. When you have done that, you’ll see the need to raise your bar and never accept this kind of treatment. You are worth so much better.

Kindly, you need to raise your standards. Learn to be single before you start another relationship. Why on Earth would you want to be with a man who treats you like garbage?

All of this is a mess.

If you hate being alone to the point that you'd rather be with an obviously awful man, that's an issue you should be addressing in therapy. Ditto being 'very paranoid' to the point of making jokes about someone texting someone else when they're just using their phone (the fact that he was is irrelevant - at that point you had no evidence of that). That you didn't see 'him trying to control what you wear and you constantly arguing to the point you broke up one minute to talking about engagement and him saying he loves you the next' as a giant glowing issue, also a problem. It sounds as though your emotional maturity when it comes to relationships isn't great. You've had a rough few years of it with a divorce and a bereavement - I'd give the relationships a break for a while and learn to be comfortable with your own company so that you're not settling for horrible people rather than being by yourself.

He's far, far worse though - he sounds fucking AWFUL. Controlling, a cheat, blanking you when you argue... who gives a fuck if he unblocks you? Block him in return and do yourself the biggest favour you can and have nothing else to do with him. People don't really love you if they're saying one thing to your face and then texting other people behind your back and then sighing and kicking you out as though you're the problem when you reasonably confront them. This won't get better, and you need to have some self-control and choose a bit of peace for yourself.

Kindly OP it’s less than a year since your partner committed suicide which is such a traumatic situation to deal with. And you have already run head first into another relationship without pausing for breath.

Sadly your fear of being single makes you vulnerable to abusers and narcissists who have an inbuilt ability to sense desperation and reel you in.

This guy was obviously love bombing from day one which you didn’t identify because you just wanted to meet another man to save you from being lonely which has disaster written all over it.

Rgd best advice anyone can give you is to take time out to be single and truly work on your sense of worth to understand why you need a man at any cost.

Being single can be the most liberating gift you can give yourself. And I also recommend you look at The Freedom Programme to identity red flags better and sooner. This man has more red flags than a communist party rally and yet your only focusing on getting vanswers from him.

Why do you fear being single so much that you’d rather be in this toxic farce of a relationship? Reading your posts, you are nowhere near the right headspace to be dating yet. Please work on yourself before you fall prey to another abuser.