How would you word a message to reconnect with estranged sibbling

[Middlechild3]

Not sure if the relationship is at all salvageable on any level, but age and recent news of more acquaintances passing is colouring my view on trying to reconnect. Geographical distance means it would be messaging only anyway. We have been estranged on and off over the years, I was a non aunt to their kids because of this. So huge gaps missed out on. We have now been estranged 10 years this last period, but still 'friends' on Facebook so maybe a door has been left open on both sides. Causes of estrangement, extreme scapegoat (me)/golden child perpetuated by parent (now gone) and continued by siblings well into adulthood. It was very damaging to me growing up but older now and thinking about maybe trying to reconnect.

Could you send her a photo of the two of you together in happier times and just write underneath Thinking of you

Send a message that doesn't need a reply?

"Hope you're enjoying this lovely weather I'm heading to the park later with a good book"

Then there's no pressure on either of you?

Honestly? I wouldn't bother.

What your feeling is FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt)

My recommendation is to get some therapy to talk through how your feeling and your recent losses and the emotions they've unearthed.

How would you feel if the views hadn't changed.
You mentions plurel siblings? Are they in contact with each other?
You see yourself as the scapegoat, they may see you as the problem person.

You need to evaluate all possibilities.

If you were the golden child don’t underestimate the hurt your sibling may have gone through & is keeping an emotional distance to protect themselves. Not saying it is your fault but your parents may have caused this situation & it is worth understanding before reaching out. If you were the non favoured child think what you want from this.

“Hey, just thought I’d drop a message to see how you are. Hope you’re enjoying the summer and the warmer weather and that the family is all well. Take care x”

But prepare yourself that they may not reply. You’ll have offered an olive branch, but that might not be taken.

Perhaps just say you're sad that x is no longer with us, and you're wondering how sibling is, if that's what's sparked you wanting to get back in touch?
Do you forgive your sibling for perpetuating the scapegoating of you? You were estranged for a reason. You may have got over it, you may not. They may have got out of that mindset or they could still treat you like that.
If they still see you as the scapegoat you'll just end up estranged again. But 10 years is a long time and you both may have moved on enough to have a new relationship.

Thanks all, I took the plunge seconds after posting my OP and got a reply within minutes. Baby steps and agreed to take it slowly but desire to reconnect is mutual x

Congratulations 🎉

That's lovely. Memories bind you together.