My child's very similar to me and I'm struggling

[TickingKey46]

I'm a single parent with 2 pre teen children, one boy and one girl. Both really smashing children. But I find my daughter really difficult at times, mainly because she's so similar to me!
She's now 12 and at secondary school, the eye rolling the stomping and always knowing best! Couple that with having a persality that's very similar to mine, I'm struggling. She's not good at time keeping and just doesn't think for herself when she's around me, as she just relies on me!
My son can also be a handful but his behaviour and personality just doesn't trigger me like hers does. I don't want her thinking I'm always getting at her or that I'm constantly irritated by her, but it's become a big of a cycle.
Went for a bike ride yesterday and she was just having a stop and being a bit immature as she couldn't figure out the gears. Feeling over hot and over stimulated I was short tempered with her. I now feel dreadful. Any advice? I'm scared I'm going to mess her childhood up or that she's going to have issues.

Same as with toddlers. Praise the good behaviour and ignore (some of) the bad behaviour. So pick your battles.

for example mine knew they had to be polite to teachers at all times but I don’t actually care if they swear at home. They have never sworn at me but they swear in general in the house.

On one occasion my son did something that I found so annoying I went and watched Netflix in my bedroom for the evening on my own just so I could calm down. I didn’t react in front of him.
The next day I said I didn’t think what he has done was a good idea. He realised that himself anyway and it wasn’t a disaster. (He spent money we didn’t really have buying a ladder to start his own gutter cleaning business. Unsurprisingly no one wanted a teenager and a ladder to clean their gutters so he got no customers but he did manage to re sell the ladder).

So ignore what you can but have some non negotiables.

I sympathise op… one of my children pushes my buttons more than the other… I think being honest with ourselves and working as hard as me can to treat them fairly and acknowledging when we don’t and making it right after/apologisng . I make sure I spend solo time with my child who pushes my buttons where I am being an A * parent… in a hope of balancing out the times that I snap at them.

also the things that push my buttons ( that I do too) are genuinely annoying and we are therefore helping them to manage their own annoying tendencies… Will help them as adults ( fingers crossed) . I do this with my other child too but it is not as emotionally difficult as I am more detached as I am not ultimately criticising myself .

when they are older we can even explain…

better than my parents who blatantly refuse to discuss things like this.

Thank you for your replies.
The irony is my son is a spitting image of my ex husband, my x husband was abusive and there in a no contact order in place. Everyone asks me if I struggle with him as he resembles his father, but no not really.
My daughter can be quite full on and this for sure gives me anxiety as i feel over stimulated. The kids both get a lot of attention and positive interaction from me ,but I want to stop bring reactive to my daughters negative behaviour (all very age appropriate stuff).

She can be needy and desperate for my approval, so struggles when she thinks she has done something that i disapprove of. This is linked to some of her earlier child hood trama when she used to see her father. We have worked on this for years and she is a million times better and much more emotionally anchored/stable.
But as their only parent she still hates to disappoint me, making her at times needy and full on.