Want to leave but scared

[newnameneedadvice]

Together for 9 years, married 2 with a 3 year old.
I am at the end of my tether and I know deep down my H does not make me happy but I don’t know what to do. I have very limited family support and zero friends. We live in my house but obviously as we married it is ours now. Wages are pretty much similar.
Here are a few examples, please tell me if I am overreacting but I can’t live the rest of my life like this.
. Accuses me of cheating (I work in a predominately male industry and he hates me being around successful men)
. Calls me fat.
. Tells me I am miserable when I’m just very neutral, it’s like he is gaslighting me.
. Asking me why on earth do we have a toddler when all his friends have teenage kids now, it’s like he resents our DD.
. Having a go at me because I wasn’t rinsing out DDs hair quick enough in the bath - she was standing up and unhappy so not as easy as just chucking water over her head!!!!
. Telling me it’s unfair he never gets a lie in,, EVERY dad he knows gets a lie in. I have said have a lie in I am not bothered and then he says well I have to get up don’t I? Erm no, it’s more fucking peaceful without you.
. Has never changed DD nappy.
. Has never got up on the night with DD.
. Sex life non existent- he has made it clear he doesn’t fancy me.
. I don’t enjoy our conversations, there is barely laughter or happiness, just whinging and moaning.

Household chores are fairly split (other than child care).

I just don’t know how to navigate this at all 😔

Two choices. Therapy or split up. This sounds utterly miserable.

I’d want to leave too my love. It sounds bloody awful. I’m glad you’re no longer willing to tolerate such disrespect. No fun for children to grow up in that environment. It’s natural to feel scared when you’re about to make big changes in your life. You can do this.x

Op

If you can’t find the strength to end this for your own sake, think of your poor child.

Not only growing up in this horrific environment, but also - this will be her benchmark for relationships

I'm sorry you are dealing with this - it sounds awful. You will be so much happier when you leave. You will rebuild your life, make new friends and have peace of mind at home.

Doesn't seem like he is very invested in your DD so perhaps you could ask for the majority of childcare too when you split.

Leave him there’s nothing good in him worth having therapy for.

Don't bother with therapy. Just tell him to leave. He brings nothing to your life apart from negativity and childish insults. He sounds absolutely horrible. How has a grown man in the 21st century never changed his child's nappy?

Sex life non existent- he has made it clear he doesn’t fancy me.

and you fancy him??
and you want to have sex with him??

Asking me why on earth do we have a toddler when all his friends have teenage kids now,

not the sharpest tool in the box is he

God I’d run. What does he actually add to your life?

@Lactofullno you are right, I don’t fancy him and don’t want to have sex with him. How could I? Also, definitely not the sharpest tool in the box, you are quite correct!

Scary isn’t it, and I am embarrassed saying I had a child with someone so pathetic. May I also add he has never taken our DD anywhere by himself other than drop off/pick up from nursery. How fucking sad is that?

Thank you everyone for your replies, at least I know now it’s not me being over sensitive and he is actually a prick 😡 need to get out, how can I live another 40/50 years of my life like this?!

That is what I keep asking myself and not coming up with anything…

You are being abused.
It is a short marriage.
Get out now.
The house is yours, so take action and he shouldn't get equity as it is so short.
Take action.
You need to talk to Women's aid and get legal advice. Start divorce asap.

I wouldn’t want this man within a ten mile radius of my child in your shoes op

let alone want him to have alone time with her

op…. Protect your toddler

@newnameneedadvice yes you need to divorce, salvage what you can for you and child. Talk to a solicitor. I don’t know what he will be entitled to but hopefully if you will be having custody that will be taken into account … I can’t give any legal advice. But please don’t put up with this!

How long have you lived together?

In a short marriage 5 years or under, he wouldn't have much claim on the house, but cohabitation is taken into account. Either way, see a solicitor for an idea of what a divorce split would look like. You can't live like that.

He has never changed a nappy? Echoing what other posters have said. This isn’t ok, it isn’t normal and you need to get out for your sake and your baby daughter’s. Life will be much better without him, he is a waste of space and is sucking the energy you need for your little girl.