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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Scared of partner / ex

8 replies

helpme23456 · 12/07/2025 22:58

I’ve got a 7 year old from previous relationship who sees his dad a lot
I have a 6 month old with my new partner / ex

we are not living together now and I am safe and the kids. We have our own home
during pregnancy he became very very abusive mentally and emotionally

he has every narcissist trait. He calls me names. He blows hot and cold. One day I’m the best mum ever to the children and the love of his life. The next day he’s calling social services on me because I’m not fit and the courts are gonna see what a mess I am
i am on anti depressants and have been most of my life and he uses it against me and tells me all the time in an “unwell lady”

he always tells me I’m fat since having the baby always tells me I’m ugly and I’m a loser. When I’m tired he tells me he hopes the baby keeps me up all night because it’s what I deserve
he tells me my children hate me and they deserve a better mum
he threatens me all the time with social services and I don’t know why

I am a crumbling mess and he has finally broke me to bits
he wants to see the baby and I haven’t let him for weeks and I’ve explained to him his temper is preventing it because I don’t want him near me and the kids when he’s how he is because I’m scared and he makes me extremely sad.
so of course I get lots of abuse about alienating the father and that the baby will be nothing without his dad etc.
i don’t know what to do.
he calls me a whore / bitch everything. Then he’ll be dead sorry and love me again which I never bileave anymore.
the relationship at the start years ago was amazing. He was perfect. I know this was fake now

anyway. Of course I’ve developed post natal depression because of this
I’m trying so hard. My 7 year old is a happy bubbly full of life boy who tells me he loves me a million times a day. He is my world and he loves his new brother.

I so desperately want to ring women’s aid but I’m scaredy kids will be taken because he talks so badly about me and they might bileave him
I go upstairs and sob into a pillow so kids don’t see and paint my face back on for them.
I’m shaking inside ALL the time.
he’s hit me once but made me feel like it was my fault and I provoked him.
he tells me I’m the problem all the time because of my reactions to his abuse.
when I cry and I’m sad because of what he says to me he tells me my medication is making me not think straight

can’t bileave this is my life with my new baby. I do everything for the baby. I’m so tired.
he says I don’t let him be here and help with baby but how can I when he’s being like this to me
what do I do
ive told my family everything and they just don’t understand it or take my seriously.
Any womanly advice or love would be great right now x

OP posts:
MyrtleLion · 12/07/2025 23:02

I am so sorry this is being done to you. Please call or message Women’s Aid, they will help.

There are so many red flags in this relationship and you will be better off without him. He is gaslighting your and trying to control you.

Take your time and work out how to end the relationship without upsetting him.

I wish you well xx

BigMouthBigFacts · 12/07/2025 23:03

Block him. You leaving and not letting him have contact with the child you both share is the right thing to do. Don’t listen to a word he’s saying. The only peoples opinions matter of you are those of your children. I wouldn’t really advise going to women’s aid because like you said social services and I’ve not heard the best things about them and some do side with the dad. Maybe try go through the legal process of a restraining order and apply for full custody. Do not answer his calls, save all messages voice notes/voice mails also document everything. Do you have a good suooort system friends and family??

helpme23456 · 12/07/2025 23:10

Hi Thankyou x
my family are 20 miles away I don’t have any friends x

OP posts:
BigMouthBigFacts · 12/07/2025 23:15

helpme23456 · 12/07/2025 23:10

Hi Thankyou x
my family are 20 miles away I don’t have any friends x

You could maybe contact a solicitor and explain to them what is going on and go for full custody? You sound like you’ve found the strength to leave, so now you know that you have a process infront of you that is a much happier healthier lifestyle for you and your children, also a lot of people slate chatGPT but it’s 88% factual, it’s helped me out of with alot of situations I’ve been in and gives really good advice you could explain a little bit and ask ‘step by step what to do’ x

MuckFusk · 13/07/2025 04:39

WA are not going to believe this bastard. They've heard it all before.
Don't hesitate to call them. Also, keep the evidence, such as texts and emails of him being verbally abusive. It may help you to get full custody. You need both legal help and emotional support.

None of this is about you. It's about him. He would treat any partner this way. It's what abusers do. So sorry for what you are going through. ❤️

BabyCatFace · 13/07/2025 04:44

BigMouthBigFacts · 12/07/2025 23:15

You could maybe contact a solicitor and explain to them what is going on and go for full custody? You sound like you’ve found the strength to leave, so now you know that you have a process infront of you that is a much happier healthier lifestyle for you and your children, also a lot of people slate chatGPT but it’s 88% factual, it’s helped me out of with alot of situations I’ve been in and gives really good advice you could explain a little bit and ask ‘step by step what to do’ x

She doesn't need a solicitor at this point she needs domestic violence support. If there are any protective orders she can apply for they will help her.

OP your children will NOT be taken if you ask for help. Please don't let that stop you.

BabyCatFace · 13/07/2025 04:45

BigMouthBigFacts · 12/07/2025 23:03

Block him. You leaving and not letting him have contact with the child you both share is the right thing to do. Don’t listen to a word he’s saying. The only peoples opinions matter of you are those of your children. I wouldn’t really advise going to women’s aid because like you said social services and I’ve not heard the best things about them and some do side with the dad. Maybe try go through the legal process of a restraining order and apply for full custody. Do not answer his calls, save all messages voice notes/voice mails also document everything. Do you have a good suooort system friends and family??

This is terrible advice. She should seek support from women's aid and advising her to be scared of social services is so irresponsible.

MuckFusk · 13/07/2025 05:21

BabyCatFace · 13/07/2025 04:45

This is terrible advice. She should seek support from women's aid and advising her to be scared of social services is so irresponsible.

Agree. All because the poster thinks social services are not so great based on things she heard? Weird.

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