Page 2 | Fiancé just told me it’s over

Panickyanicky · 2025-07-12T15:31:05+00:00

I am due to get married in 6 weeks, He’s just told me he’s no longer in love with me and it’s over, I don’t even know how to begin handling this, we’re expats I’m entirely dependent on him, it’s been 8 years. The wedding is already paid for, family have spent a fortune to attend it. I feel so stupid and so ashamed. He says he’s 100% certain, this is what he wants and he’s not willing to discuss or work anything out.

Jane958 · 13/07/2025 08:45

What about contacting the British Embassy for advice and guidance on your residential position?

Original poster

Panickyanicky · 08/08/2025 20:34

Returning to this thread after a hell of a few weeks @anitarielleliphe i think you hit the nail on the head with your description of loosing myself and consequently no longer being the woman I met.
I won’t go into to much detail as it’s quite outing but he has agreed a level of financial support to at least allow me to remain here for now and look for some work that would allow me to stay.
I’ve moved into a tiny apartment but it’s near friends and the beach and I have found a therapist to work with.
I am trying to find the good in the situation rather than becoming bitter but I will admit it is hard and I find myself some days not wanting to leave bed or unable to sleep due to panic that I am going to be alone and never have children. I try not to spiral into to much blaming myself for that, trusting it would happen and he’d be ready while my biological clock ticked on. I know it is ultimately my fault but beating myself up doesn’t help. Thankyou for all your wise words I’ve re-read them all now I feel calm enough to focus.
I know lots of people suggested returning to the UK but I haven’t lived there for over 12 years and I have been here for 8 now. My whole life is here not just my ex fiance but my friends who’ve become family, hobbies, pets etc. so I’m going to try and find a way to make it work

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 09/08/2025 14:20

Thanks for updating. You sound strong in your post (even if you don't feel it) and sounds like you know how you want to move forward regarding where you live, friends etc.
Small steps... it will get better for you.

cannyvalley · 09/08/2025 14:36

2025ismybestyear · 12/07/2025 16:40

Say to him that's fine but he will need to call everyone, tell them it's over, take the financial hit and move out while you find somewhere else to live.

cane here to say exactly this!

cannyvalley · 09/08/2025 14:38

Panickyanicky · 08/08/2025 20:34

Returning to this thread after a hell of a few weeks @anitarielleliphe i think you hit the nail on the head with your description of loosing myself and consequently no longer being the woman I met.
I won’t go into to much detail as it’s quite outing but he has agreed a level of financial support to at least allow me to remain here for now and look for some work that would allow me to stay.
I’ve moved into a tiny apartment but it’s near friends and the beach and I have found a therapist to work with.
I am trying to find the good in the situation rather than becoming bitter but I will admit it is hard and I find myself some days not wanting to leave bed or unable to sleep due to panic that I am going to be alone and never have children. I try not to spiral into to much blaming myself for that, trusting it would happen and he’d be ready while my biological clock ticked on. I know it is ultimately my fault but beating myself up doesn’t help. Thankyou for all your wise words I’ve re-read them all now I feel calm enough to focus.
I know lots of people suggested returning to the UK but I haven’t lived there for over 12 years and I have been here for 8 now. My whole life is here not just my ex fiance but my friends who’ve become family, hobbies, pets etc. so I’m going to try and find a way to make it work

I Wish you well, sounds like you are staring to get to grips with this massive change .

it was a shitty thing he did but ultimately at least you didn’t marry the twat xx

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 09/08/2025 14:39

Better now than in 6 weeks. Sorry this has happened to you. Now to witness how strong you really are. Xx

WellIquitelikesprouts · 09/08/2025 14:43

God, what a nightmare. Not your fault in any way. At least your ex is helping in a small way financially. Fingers crossed that you gradually recover. x

EuclidianGeometryFan · 09/08/2025 15:12

Panickyanicky · 08/08/2025 20:34

Returning to this thread after a hell of a few weeks @anitarielleliphe i think you hit the nail on the head with your description of loosing myself and consequently no longer being the woman I met.
I won’t go into to much detail as it’s quite outing but he has agreed a level of financial support to at least allow me to remain here for now and look for some work that would allow me to stay.
I’ve moved into a tiny apartment but it’s near friends and the beach and I have found a therapist to work with.
I am trying to find the good in the situation rather than becoming bitter but I will admit it is hard and I find myself some days not wanting to leave bed or unable to sleep due to panic that I am going to be alone and never have children. I try not to spiral into to much blaming myself for that, trusting it would happen and he’d be ready while my biological clock ticked on. I know it is ultimately my fault but beating myself up doesn’t help. Thankyou for all your wise words I’ve re-read them all now I feel calm enough to focus.
I know lots of people suggested returning to the UK but I haven’t lived there for over 12 years and I have been here for 8 now. My whole life is here not just my ex fiance but my friends who’ve become family, hobbies, pets etc. so I’m going to try and find a way to make it work

Such a great update - you sound like you have got this in hand.

Don't get into another relationship for a good two or three years, at least.
Instead, focus on work, visa, and getting SA citizenship if that is at all possible.

Good that you have a therapist - I hope you are finding it helpful. If not, try a different therapist.

You mention the biological clock - if you are not in a relationship by age 37ish, that is the time to start looking seriously at options for going it alone as an intentional single parent. Until then, don't panic.

Sending you strength and good wishes.

inezname · 09/08/2025 15:13

Long shot but if you said on here SA but you're actually elsewhere (so not to be outing), check the laws.

For example, in Australia, after 2 years of dating you have the same legal rights as a wife.

So all his assets will also be your assets.

Diarygirlqueen · 09/08/2025 15:40

Bless you OP, such a heartbreaking thing to experience.
I wish you nothing but happiness for the future, you sound strong xx

SonK · 09/08/2025 16:58

Hey OP I hope you are okay, you sound like you are doing well, keep it up. Sending hugs x