Dumped! | Mumsnet

Paradoes · 12/07/2025 04:36

He is just making excuses. Leave him be. Move on.my advice is just to stop contact and actually to say to him that you can do a lot better for yourself.

Then hold your head up high.

lobsterkiller · 12/07/2025 05:18

Sadly, I agree with pp. He's ended it and to protect yourself, you need to walk away yourself. Contacting him isn't going to change his mind.

Two years is a long time and it must really hurt but walking away means you don't kick yourself later for chasing after someone who doesn't want to continue with the relationship.

sameshizz · 12/07/2025 07:29

Sorry op. He may be genuine but in my experience every story I’ve heard that starts with this has ended with there being another woman on the scene .

FutureCatMum · 12/07/2025 18:46

Listen to him. He doesn’t want to be with you and he can’t give you what you need. Stop making excuses and accept it’s over.
If you keep accepting crumbs this will drag on for years with you left unsupported and your needs not met. Take this from someone who made the mistake of pandering to a man who did this. Just don’t.

lolstevelol · 12/07/2025 18:55

Making excuses - this is common amongst men who are happy to date women they know they do not want to marry. Move on and do not waste time with him.

I have seen these situations a lot.

MuckFusk · 12/07/2025 21:10

He's telling you outright that he isn't the man for you. Believe him.
There's probably another woman on the scene, but the upshot of it is that he doesn't want to spend his life with you. I know it's terribly painful, but you need to accept it. ❤️

MuckFusk · 12/07/2025 21:11

FutureCatMum · 12/07/2025 18:46

Listen to him. He doesn’t want to be with you and he can’t give you what you need. Stop making excuses and accept it’s over.
If you keep accepting crumbs this will drag on for years with you left unsupported and your needs not met. Take this from someone who made the mistake of pandering to a man who did this. Just don’t.

Excellent advice.

DontBeBlueBeARainbow · 12/07/2025 21:25

I have been in a similar situation with my boyfriend. He wanted a break about 2y9m in, felt he couldn't give me what (he thought) i needed. I then forced him to break up with me as i didn't handle it well.
After a month of turmoil we did get back together and it was a reset that we both needed. The way i reacted pushed me to do some work on myself, and i think he was struggling with his mental health and pushing me away.
Long story short, we are still together 4y9m now. We're in a different place, I'm less vulnerable, i think we're more realistic, still in love and no plans to live together!

Original poster

Nameschangedagain · 13/07/2025 08:12

DontBeBlueBeARainbow · 12/07/2025 21:25

I have been in a similar situation with my boyfriend. He wanted a break about 2y9m in, felt he couldn't give me what (he thought) i needed. I then forced him to break up with me as i didn't handle it well.
After a month of turmoil we did get back together and it was a reset that we both needed. The way i reacted pushed me to do some work on myself, and i think he was struggling with his mental health and pushing me away.
Long story short, we are still together 4y9m now. We're in a different place, I'm less vulnerable, i think we're more realistic, still in love and no plans to live together!

Thank you for your positive story! That's what I wanted to hear

OP posts:

HabberdasheryAddict · 13/07/2025 08:25

Somebody’s (possibly) positive story should not sway you away from acting in your best interest. Your boyfriend has dumped you - your words! He doesn’t want to be with you.

So stop running after him. Because telling him “we can take a step back, I don't need as much as he thinks I need, I want to support him, and he is taking time to consider what I've said” is the passive equivalent of running after him.

Don't do it. Instead read WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.

Cyanometer · 13/07/2025 08:31

O agree with the majority of posters - you should take what he's said at face value for now, and act accordingly. Don't reduce yourself and your needs for him.

If it's meant to work out in the longer term, it will. If it doesn't, then you've moved on with your life in a timely manner.

Seaoftroubles · 13/07/2025 08:47

He's considering your offer of support which means you've given him the power to decide your future together. I would step back for now and leave him to sort himself out, wait and see what happens and don't chase him. It could be an excuse but if he genuinely has mental heath concerns wait and see if he addresses them. Of course he could just be taking the cowardly way out of the relationship which unfortunately is more likely.

TwistedWonder · 13/07/2025 08:54

Sorry OP but the fact your only response is to the lone voice who is telling you what you want to hear shows you really don’t want genuine advice, you want validation that it will all work out.

In rare cases it might but in the vast majority of situations ‘ I need a break from our relationship’ means ‘I want out and I’m trying to let you down gently’ or even more often ‘I’ve had my head turned and want to pursue someone else’

Come on OP listen uk what he’s really telling you and stop chasing a man who doesn’t want to be with you.

Sassybooklover · 13/07/2025 08:55

I agree, a positive story doesn't out way the rest. Your boyfriend has told you clearly he wants to end the relationship. Listen to him, accept the relationship has ended. He doesn't want to be with you, now that could be due to his MH but equally it might be an excuse. Men are often too cowardly to tell the truth, frequently make up excuses so they don't have to face having a hard/difficult conversation. Don't go chasing after him, that shows nothing more than you are willing to accept crumbs in this relationship. You deserve better.

Omgblueskys · 13/07/2025 09:03

Op, look up ( letthemtheory ) very true in your case, but use this in life, honestly you deserve better,

Let them, or let him,