Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to not feel angry at his fresh start

7 replies

Karmaseedsrsewn · 11/07/2025 15:48

My ex turned out really abusive. He unbeknown to me was taking drugs with a set of people I didn't know about. When I thought he was home alone he had various people in his home from that walk of life. He started hearing and seeing things. I went down and called him an ambulance. He didn't tell the psychiatrist he saw 6 months later about the drugs or how he's manipulated people his whole life. I won't go into detail on here unless you ask but very broken family dynamics and he uses his nieve but very smart adult daughter. Nieve meaning she excuses his behaviours as he can't help it.

He came off with a dual diagnosis of EUPD and bipolar type 2. This was after one session. He didn't take his medication as prescribed and spiralled further. I walked away. He begged me for help 5 months ago. Life or potential harm situation. I directed him to the police and allowed him to do a statement in my house then encouraged him to go to his daughters an hour away.

He leant on me emotionally for a while asking me for food etc. I eventually got sickof him and asked the police to help me when he was hurling vile abuse at me.

He was put into temp housing an hour away. Police supported me. I've been through domestic abuse team. I've worked hard on myself. Joined the gym. I'm reading a book on narcisstic abuse. I in myself feel mostly OK. I am worried about him contacting me for a small bag of clothes and photos etc. I feel on edge because of this.

He's been given a offer of free housing in another town, he's also getting his pip reviewed next week as he feels he should get the top whack and the car thrown in. I am so angry and bitter that he's being so spoilt by the system because he chose to abuse women and do drugs. I'm the 3rd woman on his clares law.

He's also made a Facebook which I've now blocked. 3 women. Oneblo de and blue eyed 27. He's 52. Two Scottish women linked to his ex wife. One in a marriage. One is his daughters friends mum that he flirted with whilst we were together. Why am I so angry?

OP posts:
AllThisBatshitteryAndMore · 11/07/2025 20:01

Just think yourself lucky to be out of it and him not knocking on your door X hugs

MuckFusk · 11/07/2025 21:24

You're angry because it isn't fair.
What you need to do is stop what is known as pain shopping, which means looking for information on an ex's life. Block him on FB and your phone. Ask mutual friends to not tell you anything about him. Throw his remaining bag of crap out. No contact whatsoever.

Welikebeingcosy · 11/07/2025 21:48

Think of it as the stability meaning he might have more chance of turning his life around. Think of it as him leaning on less people for housing or financial support or food, and therefore less likely to abuse more people. Maybe one day in ten years he will have turned his life around and be remorseful. Or maybe not.

Either way be kind to yourself for everything you went through.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/07/2025 21:52

The only thing more dangerous than an abusive man is a homeless abusive man. They use guilt and manipulation to glom onto vulnerable women, often single mums, for housing. This slightly reduces the risk to other women.

Cold comfort but it hopefully is some.

MyLov · 11/07/2025 22:31

I don’t think you can class a housing offer and a.request for a PIP review (not even a decision!) to be a “fresh start” to be angry about. The housing offer sounds good, sounds like he’ll be further away from you in another town and you are less likely to bump into him. The PIP he hasn’t even got yet. You need to cut ties with this man so you can move on and get to a healthy place. So stop looking into what he is doing and tell other people you don’t want to know.

You still seem to know other people who know him, so give them his bag of stuff to give him. Or chuck it. Whatever keeps up the most safe. Either way don’t hold onto it. You need to stop this man having any hold over you at all by completely cutting contact of any kind, even indirect contact.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 12/07/2025 11:09

Hi @Karmaseedsrsewn I know you have posted about this man several times under different user names and your original post here does not touch the sides of the abuse this man has put you through.
I won’t go into the details as it is your story to tell, but it’s far, far worse than what has been portrayed here.
You have made some very positive progress in terms of rebuilding your life and getting some police assistance.
You will continue to be angry as long as he has any kind of presence in your life.
Don’t be concerned about a small bag of stuff. If you need to, send it to his daughter.
This man is like a cat with nine lives. Let him get on with his new life in whatever new home he has, and whatever money he receives.
It is not your business any more. Your life is your business now.
He has treated you appallingly and he uses women. Stop filling your head with who he may or may not be with. He’s not capable of any functional relationship whatsoever and any woman who did take him on nor would have to be very vulnerable as he is a drug addict, an abuser, mentally ill and involved in the drug world.
You need to let him go because he seems as addictive as a drug.
It is very tough thing to do. Take it day by day and reading books about narcissism just keeps you stuck in his world.
You have your own life, family and career which are yours. Whatever he gets from the system may feel unfair but it’s time to let him go.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 14/07/2025 08:35

How are you doing today @Karmaseedsrsewn ?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page