Would you forgive an emotional affair? I have a baby

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9 month old DS, light of my/our worlds.

DH has confessed to me he has been having an emotional affair. Well, noticed a connection with another female colleague months ago, they both felt it was there but recognised it and stepped away from each other. She needed support the other day in a relative emergency and he went to offer that help and lied to me about where he went. He admitted when he got back and profusely apologised, could’ve been physical but I doubt it because he has confessed to everything else and went out having not showered in more than a day & for other identifiable reasons I won’t disclose, it’s exceptionally unlikely- I also know where he was. It doesn’t change that there was an obvious emotional interest and connection for him to. He is apologetic and hasn’t been defensive, says he’s an idiot and has fucked up and that he has no control over what I decide to do now and respects he has made a series of shit and destructive choices.

I feel so hurt, honestly. I’ve just had his baby. It feels like there is no respect or honesty to me because he lied about who he was going to see until confronted and withheld that info from me.

Equally, we have a house, and otherwise good marriage, our beautiful baby and I wanted to be part time after mat leave and all of our worlds will just change massively if I decide to leave over this.

The trust is gone and I feel deceived and that’s the difficult part for me, because honesty and trust are naturally so important in a marriage. He has said he knows if he wants any slither of chance of forgiveness he’ll have to do a lot of work to rebuild my trust up. Saying all the right things I suppose. It was out of character for him to do something like this so has knocked me for six.

I’m young, it’s early on in our marriage, I know mistakes can happen but I fear this happening again . He’d be worse off if we separated as he has no family support and I am better off financially.

Sorry this is garbled, I just don’t know what to do and if many people forgive this sort of thing or if it’s a true colours moment.

he ran to another woman that is not his family in her ‘hour of need’.
he obviously fancies her and was trying his luck nby ‘being there for her’.
u and ur baby did not cross his mind when he ran to her rescue. it was a CHOICE and he chose to NOT tell u. its disgusting and disrespectful in so many ways. harsh words but u need to level up and respect yourself and believe in yourself that u deserve more than the crumbs he is giving he is dishing in this relationship. kid or not marriage or not you and that baby should be his whole world.but is will be forever chasing attention from other women and u will never be his priority. please leave him.

The only way I would consider staying in the relationship is if he proved his remorse by getting a new job and never seeing her again. Also on the clear understanding that should anything even remotely resembling this happen again, then the marriage is over.

He would also have to agree to therapy (not couples therapy, just therapy for him) to explore why he allowed himself to do this.

THAT is how to begin to rebuild trust.

Personally, I'd be done, because I don't believe any man would confess to an emotional affair. I'd believe he'd had sex with her (maybe not at the time you suspect), and was beginning the damage-limitation drip-feed.