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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I did a mistake to my best friend and how she is giving me the silent treatment.

3 replies

MikayVika · 10/07/2025 12:32

Hello all. I am looking to share my story, as I don't have many people to talk to and I am looking for some help..

So, I am 33 year old man and I have a best friend with benefits that is a 37 year old woman. We met each other before 2 years and immediately we had such a strong connection and everything felt so real.
Our bond became so strong with every talk, text, meeting, with every hug, kiss and smile. I was next to her through her hell, always giving her courage, helping her, sharing her pain, loss and struggle.
Last year a man broke her heart, it was the first time she was in love like this. She was devastated, but I cried with her, I was with her always and told her that we will get over this and I am always and forever with her. And she did get better pretty fast and told me it was because of my help. Told me that she can't imagine her life without me and that I am her everything..
We shared so many laughs together, countless memories and always I have felt that our bond is friendship is forever.

I have to tell you tho, I fell in love with her after the first few mounts and told her, she reacted really good, told me she loves me too, but mostly as a brother and best friend and I ofcourse loved her like a sister and a best friend too and we continued like this. It was devastating for me when she was explaining me about new guys in her life and especially this one, she loved, but I always was next to her like a true best friend and always helped her. We talked many times that no matter what in the future we will live together and grow old together.

This guy tho after broking her heart and using her, without shame continued trying calling her and texting her in the distance of some weeks or months. The last time she texter her past week again with no shame and remorse and she told me immediately and I got mad and told her that I will call/text him and I will go find him and beat the sh*t out of him. She told me:"No, he will think that I am not over him and I am." I told her:"Yeah, of course, you are right." But then started thinking again, I wanted to defend her and texted him. After that I told her and she got mad and hung up the phone on me. Then that guy called her and she became even more mad at me, because she had to talk with him. I know I messed up, but I only wanted to defend her.. And now she is mad at me and is giving me the silent treatment and is has been a week.

I want to tell you, that we talk 5-10 times a day, always, no matter where we are and what we are doing. And I felt horible that I coulnd't talk with her. I kept texting her and without response from her. At first she was seeing the messages and now not even this.
The other day I got to her house with a big teddy bear, flowers and a letter to say I am sorry in person, but she reacted so bad, she told me so many nasty things, told me I can throw the gifts in the bin and got in her car and left, leaving me standing there shattered.
Now I stopped texting her, but I feel so bad. I feel bad, because I hurt her and because I can't even say a proper sorry. I want to fix things between us, because I think our connection is really rare, unique and special, but she is giving me the silent treatment. I also happen to have health issues right now and she knows about this, also knows that the fact she is not talking to me is killing me and I feel awful and she act like I mean nothing to her and I am nobody..
I see on instagram that she is going out with friends, smiling and is happy and I cry, can't sleep, can't work and I can't do anything..

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 10/07/2025 12:39

You need to back off now. You sound like you are stalking this woman and you massively overstepped. Give her space. Whether she’ll ever talk to you again I don’t know, but if you carry on as you are she definitely won’t. You may find that your friendship is never the same again either, which might be a good thing as you need to accept she isn’t interested in you romantically - you need to move on.

sweetpickle2 · 10/07/2025 12:46

First post nails it. You need to seriously back off before she calls the police.

You say you have a strong connection but all I'm getting from your post is that you're in love with her and she doesn't feel the same way.

You also say you are friends with benefits- that usually means you're sleeping together. Are you?

Girlmom35 · 10/07/2025 13:24

You need to understand that you're being incredibly selfish right now.

You're the one who hurt her
Yet you're trying to force her to stop being angry with you, because you're missing her and you want to talk to her 10 times a day.

It's all about you. Your sadness, your pain, your needs. Do you even care about her at all?
You have not once mentioned any empathy or respect for the fact that she told you very clearly not to get involved and you broke her trust.

You got yourself into this mess by not respecting her. That means you have to deal with the consequences. Making her life even harder by stalking and pressuring her is not something you get to do. It only proves what an incredibly selfish person you are. She is not your belonging. She does not exist to make you happy. She has every right to choose not to be your friend.

Deal with your sadness on your own. Stop putting it on her.

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