Ok this has a huge backstory so I don’t want to drip feed but in short my marriage has been utterly miserable for the last two years.
2 years ago my husband had an affair and left me. Lasted two weeks before he came back and I stupidly forgave him and just wanted to move on but it’s been so bad since then.
He says all the right things and on the surface is making an effort to be a better husband but every couple of months I feel like I’m dealing with something else.
The funny thing is if you’d asked me before all this I would have said he was the perfect husband and that’s why I found the affair so shocking and like the rug had been pulled from underneath me.
Anyway one of the issues is he drinks too much. To be honest on occasion so do I but the issue has always been once he has had a drink he can be very disrespectful towards me.
On Saturday night we had a lovely meal out with family and I probably had a few too many to drink over the course of the evening. Couple with the fact I was extremely tired by the time we went to bed I had a shower, put on PJs and a dressing gown and flopped on the bed laying face down. Now one of the tactics my husband uses to have sex is by giving me a massage. By the time my husband had come out of the shower into the bedroom I was pretty much asleep but he started lifting up all my layers and started to give me a massage. Then removed by bottom half and got naked himself and well you can guess the rest. I laid there completely still - through tiredness? Shock? I’m not sure why I didn’t ask him to get off but I didn’t. After about 5 mins he stopped and checked if I was okay and I replied something like well I didn’t move so ….
He knows I probably wouldn’t want to have sex with him. I’m waiting for him to do an STI test that I asked him to do just before Christmas. I asked him to do this because in October he went away for work and then I found messages to an Escort asking for pictures and arranging to meet up. He said he didn’t meet up with her and I couldn’t find any evidence to definitely prove he did so had to let it go. When confronted why even message her he said he didn’t know but feel like he might had a brain tumour that made him do all this stuff!
He took about 3 months to actually order the STI test, it then sat in his office unopened for ages, he then did it after I got pissed off but the packaged up test then sat in the boot of his car for a while waiting to be sent off. It’s now disappeared! I know I should ask him but he just says yeah I’ll do it and then doesn’t bother. Just another example of the lack of respect for me.
It is also worth noting that since the affair he has sought an ADHD and Autism diagnosis which he has got privately and he’s been on medication since November last year - another reason why I have given him yet another chance and thought the medication would help!
I know I should leave but I have 3 children - two who are disabled and I have zero family support as my parents have passed away. Financially I would struggle too.
Anyway we haven’t spoken about it since then I’ve just been very distant with him. I’m not sure if he knows what he did was wrong? Or was it my fault as I didn’t say anything? And ask him to stop?