So as not to drip feed, this month is bringing up some big anniversaries for me. I'm not someone to dwell but I do like to give some thought to the big ones (good and bad) and reflect, like how far I've come, or to remember a loved one, etc.
12 yrs ago I finally left a DV relationship. I was lucky to get out alive. I had severe PTSD. I still do, to a lesser degree but I manage it. A year after that, I was struggling but adopted a rescue pet. This pet was my world, gave me focus, turned things around ( I can't have kids so he really was my baby)
A year after that, this pet suddenly died. A so called healthy animal and just after his first birthday. Autopsy wasn't that conclusive. My PTSD and grief went into overdrive, I'd already lost so much.
I never really got over this, and the ten yr mark came up. I've rebuilt my life since. Facebook threw up the memories and photos of my pet. I felt it just as raw, not just his loss but that whole awful time of trying to rebuild my life.
I told my boyfriend it was ten yrs since lost this animal and sent a few photos. He knows the story anyway. That's all I did.I didnt dwell I just sent some cute photos.
That was that. He sympathised and said he was so beautiful...
A couple of days ago, he goes to a family wedding...and .. I don't know what happened. He messaged later distraught but not explaining anything. He had he said, quietly walked out of the wedding and was sure half his family hated him for this (I know his estranged brother was there so I 'assume' was possibly to do with that) I said I was there for him and to please ring me. He said he was spending night in car (instead of sharing hotel room with other brother) and turning phone off and didnt want to talk to me or anyone. I was very worried and kept messaging begging him to ring me or just to drive straight to me the next day.
Instead he drove home and I later got a message slagging me off, for all things, sharing with him about my dead pet a few days ago. That it's all about me. It isn't, I'd just said it was ten yr anniversary and sent a few pics. He reminded me he lost a pet to the road two yrs ago.. ie far more recent. Yet he doesn't go on about that. I was so hurt by this and said it's not a dead pet competition and grief is grief. I wasn't even dwelling on it but more, remembering a beloved pet and an awful time in my life. Instead of explaining what happened at the wedding, he kept on about my dead pet and how his loss is more recent . Focussing on this so I still have NO idea what happened at the wedding.
He won't ring or explain and says he can't do anything right and he wants to run away and disappear but me bringing up the pet stuff tells him it's all about me (how can it be when this was before the wedding?!)
Of course I'm really worried but also hurt the way he turned it around onto a dead pet rather than any explanation as to what actually happened.
I can't just turn up as he says he's 'going to disappear' (also he's quite a way from me and I'm a shift worker also seeing to two elderly parents)
He's my partner (or was? who knows where we stand now) yet I'm still totally in the dark as to what happened and he's now apparently ghosting me. Yet launches into this tirade about how I'm selfish as his pet died more recently. The pet messages were days ago as I say. Is this classic deflection? from what actually happened? - it's totally hurtful . I feel hurt, confused and helpless then feel guilty to feel that as he's obviously having some big crisis.
He's not an angry man but can be controlling and sulk. That's not something I want but I don't know the full story here. I can't just call it a day when I don't know what happened to him but it's awful he brought my dead pet into it and refused to tell me a single thing about what happened with his family
Sorry this is long but didn't want to drip
I have enough on plate suppporting my parents who don't live together and aren't local to me and can be very very difficult, as well as a stressful job.