Single mum dating

[embe111]

I have been a SM for a few years now, and a while back felt like I am ready to be a bit more than just a mum. I dont have much people around me (including my 2 kids i can count them using one hand) so I joined dating apps in hope to maybe find someone worth wasting some time with.
Not saying i had much intrest, and when i tried to initiate the conversation i was getting "Youre great but" quite often. By but they meant me being a SM.
So I put myself through emotional backlash and remove the info about my kids, the interest was growing, which didnt surprise me.
I then came across a post with a screenshot of a dating profile of a SM and the amount of comments stating that we are broken was unbelievable. People were advising others to run as far away as possible and dont ever get involved as there is plenty of fish in the sea and they dont have to choose the used ones.

I never in my life imagined being a single mum at 34 or at all but life happens and we just have to deal with it. I want to love and I want to be loved but I feel I have to give up searching, at least until my kids are classed as adults - maybe then I won't be seen as garbage.

Lost hope.

Really you mustn’t get disheartened by a few Andrew Tate style dickhead comments!
Sure there will be some men who don’t want to take on someone else’s kids - or who don’t want a relationship to be limited by childcare: But it’s a numbers game, the right one is out there somewhere.

@Bittenonce totally agree. Sometimes its just a case of sifting through the trash. Good luck OP 🫂💐

I didn’t find that tbh op and also a lot of men even older men in their 50s often had young children. Most had their children every other weekend but a few were single parents too.

I would say don’t take any notice of that post and the disgusting comments. You wouldn’t want to be with someone like that anyway.

Don’t pretend you don’t have kids that’s not really good, if men aren’t interested in dating a woman with kids then that’s up to them but I wouldn’t hide it to get more interest as it’s more than a bit misleading

The only men who think like that are the dickheads nobody wants anyway - hence their anger. Don’t listen to a single word they say.

You need to be upfront that you have children.

Have children is filterable (but only on Premium), so at least set that and usually specify you have children in your bio.

At least then hopefully you'll be filtering out those who don't want to date single mothers and therefore should have a more pleasant experience instead of receiving abusive messages.

How old are your children?

I use Hinge and pay for the level where you can filter and filter people who have kids and don’t want more kids. I only ever pay for a few months at a time.
Works for me

Can you get time in the evening without the kids?
If so, I’d be honest that you have kids but you can date in the evenings.
You wouldn’t want them to mislead you so don’t mislead them.
I know plenty of separated mums who have found new blokes.
They all do have support from parents or ex’s who can have the DC to allows them free time.

Dating someone with children is incredibly complex and comes with a lot of disadvantages and personal sacrifice. You will always come second to the first family and be expected to never complain about anything because ‘children always come first’. Although painful, that is the truth. I strongly disagree with the misogynistic ‘used’ nonsense obviously but men on dating apps don’t owe you anything and wanting to meet someone without children is a reasonable preference.

There are predators out there looking to gain access to children. Putting it on your profile isn't great safeguarding.

I was going to say this.
Always keep it off your profile and once you start chatting, you can drop it in. Occasionally men will immediately disengage but quite often they have their own children and it’s absolutely fine. Any decent man won’t mind that you have children.

My best friend with a daughter got divorced five years ago, at 32. Today, she’s with the love of her life a man who’s so much better for her than her ex ever was. She’s happier now because she truly knows herself and what she doesn’t want in a relationship. So please, don’t lose hope there is life (and love) after divorce.

That said, if dating feels overwhelming, it might help to connect with other divorced people whether through support groups, events, or communities. Sometimes, just knowing you're not alone can make all the difference.

The OP has already said that they got more interest when not mentioning children and then got the disappointment when she said that she did and the rejection came.

Better to be upfront and then you should already be pre-filtered. There's no point in having 200 likes if 150 of them are going unmatch as soon as children are mentioned. Best to save the effort and don't have them engage in the first place.

I think it's a bit of a stretch to say any decent man won't mind someone already having children.

You really don’t have a clue how many pedophiles are out there on these sites looking for single mothers.
It’s not worth the risk.
You never advertise that you have children.

@NowStartingOver I say this as someone who had a very positive experience using online dating. I met great men, had great dates and after 6 months met someone with children who I’ve been with for 2 years. He hadn’t put that he had children on his profile either. I did this all without advertising that I had children. I had around 1000 likes - not that I spoke to them all - but out of maybe 60 that I chose to speak to, 2 decided that they weren’t interested because I have children - which is completely fair.

Kindly OP, you have two kids.

There are thousands of women out there your age who don't have the responsibility you do. If you had a choice, would you date a man with kids, and and ex, with all that entails, or would you save yourself a lot of hassle and pick the guy who didn't have them?

OLD means that people can choose the person they want, not the person they happen to meet somewhere.

I think you need to accept that getting into a relationship with someone who has children is not an easy thing to do. Dealing with an ex, the old inlaws, the tensions, the fact that you'll end up sharing a home with kids who aren't yours,1 and who you don't have any feelings for. None of that is easy.

Maybe revisit dating when your kids have moved out.

I think you're really overplaying the threat of paedophiles so that you can lie on dating profiles.

You should

• Never post photos of your children (doesn't matter whether or not their face is covered with an emoji, don't do it).
• Don't detail the children's sex or age.
• Tick the box that says you have children.

It is not unreasonable for men or women to be on OLD to find a partner because they want to start a family. You're saying that if any man was "decent" he'd forego those dreams. Best to let these people be filtered out upfront.

There's an irony that the partner you found on OLD was also lying about having children!

It’s not lying, it’s called leaving the info off. You don’t have to reveal everything on your profile you know! You don’t owe anyone anything.
You can keep it quite basic and talk to people before deciding to share personal information.

It’s pretty fundamental information to leave off. Online dating would be even more of a quagmire if every single parent presented as childless.

Are you struggling to meet someone? Do you need some pointers?

Keeping your children safe from predators is much much more important than wasting men's time or feeling sad when you're rejected. If you put children on your profile you run the risk of attracting men who are looking to SA them. Leaving off their ages and sex will do nothing to protect them as different paedophile are after children of different sexes. Who cares if some anonymous woman on mumsnet thinks its dishonest or terribly unfair on Gregg off Hinge?