Divorce finances

[Nancon]

Quick background..I want to ask my husband for a divorce but want to have a financial settlement suggestion in my mind when I do. Wanting to divorce him as he’s done too many small unacceptable things and he doesn’t make me happy any more.

Our kids are nearly 3yo and a 7mo baby. I’m on mat leave still. But I dropped down to part time after having my first baby. Hubby owns a business that does well and he funds most thing. We bought a house together in 2020, and he has paid the £3.5k per month mortgage ever since. I can’t afford to keep the house, but I want him to have it. We have less than £50k in savings.

My question is ….when we bought the house, we got a house a lot lower than what our agreement in principle said we could borrow (around 60% of our joint affordability). So…can we get a 2nd residential home together, for me to live in with the kids, and he pays the mortgage as my divorce settlement. I don’t want anything spectacular, but I don’t want to rent. I’m thinking that if we total all our assets, then half it, and I get a house for around that value, he pays the deposit and pays the mortgage payment, then we both get housed in decent houses. Has anyone ever done it this way? Or is that a silly idea?

Why would you want to have another shared asset? Do you expect him to pay your mortgage to?

I think you need to think very carefully here. You need to speak to a solicitor but the sensible option would be for the house to be sold and for you to take your deposit and move on.

edited to add , it really sounds like you have absolutely no intention of being financially responsible yourself and want him to continue to fund your life. To me, that’s just not cool. Gets some independence or he will always be ruling over you.

I’m trying to think of what’s best for the children. I want him to keep the family home so that they have familiarity. And the whole point is that he would pay my mortgage as the settlement? Maybe I’ve totally got the wrong end of the stick of how it works but I just assumed that as we don’t have enough for him to give me a lump sum to buy me out, that he would repay it with a mortgage so he could keep the house. I know selling it and splitting the equity 50/50 is the normal
way to do it but I don’t want everyone to start again and the kids have two new houses

You want him to pay your mortgage for 25 years - at least ( and the deposit for the house in the first instance ?) At best I would imagine you could get this agreed until the youngest is 18?

I just can’t imagine why you’d want to be reliant on him for the rest of your life.

your challenge here is him being self employed and he’ll get a great solicitor and suddenly he’ll pay himself minimum wage. I can’t imagine when he is already paying out his own 3.5k mortgage a month a court could agree to him paying another ? All seems far too messy and nothing remotely like getting divorced and moving on and being your own person!

Judges prefer clean break divorces. You say his business does well but 50k of savings is nothing when you have your own business. It could be needed at any time. You can only divvy up the pot you have. Start the process and see how the actual financials stack up.

I think you’ll have to just sell your house if he can’t afford to buy you out and whatever money you get from that you’ll have to work with to accommodate yourself. I can’t imagine he would agree to pay your mortgage for 25 years either. It’s a crazy suggestion.

It doesn’t sound realistic

Would your husband agree to this?
as pp it doesn’t sound realistic and you both don’t have a lot of savings

If you can both agree to it and are happy with it then fine. Otherwise I don't think a judge would

You would need a very amicable split and him to agree to this for the sake of the children because it sounds as this would be worse for him than what a judge would make him pay.

You need good financial advice preferably from a Solicitor, you will need details of pensions as well. Unless your DH has the money to pay for 2 large mortgages I cannot see that your suggestion will work.

A 3.5k mortgage would indicate that the house is either sizeable or valuable due to location, plus you went under your affordability, therefore there will be more than enough to sell and get two houses and have a clean break. Also I suppose from a practical standpoint, a house is an asset where the value changes, and would change a lot over 25 years, so even if the monthly payment would be a fair settlement right now, what happens if interest rates change when you go to renew, the house goes up/down in value? Houses arent as reliable of an asset as they once were, but if it went up in value then effectively you will have gained more than your fair share in the divorce, if that makes sense?
Plus, from a mortgage standpoint how would this even work - you are the sole owner but he is the one with the mortgage on the house? Have you checked this is possible from a mortgage provider standpoint?
Your children are 3 and 7 months - these are arguably the best ages of a child's life to adapt to a new home! The 7 month old won't remember and the 3 year old barely will, i understand that you have a lot to think about right now and its a big change but they are so young, new houses at this age arent going to affect them long term in any way at all, its how you both behave during and after the divorce that has the impact.

You've got zero chance of getting him to agree to this, and if he did a judge wouldn't sign it off. The point of a divorce is to un-enmesh your finances, not increase your financial dependence.

If you can't afford to buy a house based on your share of the asset pool, you will be expected to rent. The court is not interested in whether you own or rent. It is not up to your ex to fund an owned property for you.

It’s not realistic.

Is he likely to be shocked or angry when you suggest divorce?

Realistically as a self employed person, he can rearrange his finances so that child maintenance is minimal. Be ready for him to claim that he earns £100 per week so that your child maintenance is close to zero.

You can expect at least 50% of the equity in the house, savings and other assets like cars (assuming that they are in his name not the company) Day to day he’s only required to pay child maintenance. Other costs like nursery are for your to pay. You can’t expect to own a house any more unless you live in a place with cheap housing prices so that half the savings and your part time income is enough. I don’t think that he’ll agree to paying your mortgage instead of child maintenance. CM is a legal right where as the mortgage would likely be a bigger figure so not in his interest.

If you want to remain on maternity leave then I’d wait a few more months before divorcing as he may not want to pay the mortgage and bills if you’re not together. Line up a job to go back to after maternity and work out where you’d live first. Your kids are really young so won’t be traumatised by a house move- they probably won’t even remember

If he’s controlling then staying financially tied would be a new way for him to control you. He’d feel like he could say who can and can’t visit the home and kick you out with no notice if you don’t fall in line. He also won’t want you to financially benefit from this second property because your happiness is not important to him

Well you don't actually know what the stbxh will agree to so for you to say zero chance is nonsense.

When you get a divorce a part of that is the a document called deed of waiver which means you have no rights to each other’s homes in future…I imagine this would be hard to put in place if he is paying the deposit and paying the mortgage. The only way around it would be to claim the lump sum from him and the amount of mortgage as a maintenance i suppose. But…what happens if his business goes tits up and he has no income?

I will willingly revise my statement to "exh will only agree to this if he is a MASSIVE idiot with a MASSIVE guilt complex and no lawyer".

You'll have to accept that the home will likely have to be sold, your STBXH may not want to keep it on. Assets split, probably 50/50 and CMS payments but that might be tricky if he owns his own business and can fiddle the books to show he earns less.

Gently @Nancon when it comes to divorce you have to accept that both parties will want a say in how the finances are divided. You can't "have a financial settlement suggestion in my mind" before you even tell him you wish to divorce.

As others have said above there are lots of reasons why having an ex-husband paying your mortgage after splitting up is a bad idea - and even unlikely to be agreed.

I would suggest you gather all your families financial information together. Make an appt with a solicitor so they can explain your possible options and then after your STBXH has accepted you wish to divorce at all - then you will have to work together (via solicitors or mediation) how your finances should be separated and any childcare arrangements etc.

This arrangement doesn’t benefit him in any way whatsoever and isn’t a fair split of assets. Realistically this is not what’s best for the children, it’s what’s best for you and means that you wouldn’t have to work full time. When you divorce you split and go your separate ways - that includes financially. You can’t really expect him to leave the marriage but still expect to keep the financial benefits you receive from being a married to him.

Usually the courts want to separate out finances rather than co-emesh further. Normally you'd be entitled to half the assets. This includes savings and half the equity in the house. Maybe you'd get more than half if the kids come with you. You might get permission to stay in the family home until the kids are 18 but it's unlikely he'll be expected to pay the mortgage, just delay getting his half of the equity. He will likely have to pay child support but spousal support is less and less common these days and really only awarded for a very short duration or if the other party can clearly never work again.

You need to speak to a lawyer and have reasonable expectations.