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Original poster

Daughters boyfriend

22 replies

Catwoman6 · 08/07/2025 23:14

Hi, am I strange? My daughters boyfriend, who I hardly know, but what I do know i dont like (long story) whenever my daughter and I did a video call, comes up to the screen and says to me " you are looking very beautiful tonight" or " you look stunning tonight" and it creeps me out. Firstly, I am honestly in no way beautiful, so thats a lie, but most importantly, should a man say that to his girlfriends mum? Especially when I hardly know him. It feels wrong and I dont like it. Even if he just said youre looking well, thatd be ok, but not that.
We rarely video call nowadays, because he's very controlling, and I think he's probably stopped my daughter doing the calls, but dont know for sure.
I dont get to see her as she's moved to his country, so would still like to do the video calls once in a while if she wanted to. However, i dont want him to say that. It just feels very wrong. Its not like i do myself up for the call or anything. I know it's probably sounds silly, but it's creepy the way he says it. Am I wrong to feel like that? Am I being silly?

OP posts:
Original poster
Catwoman6 · 08/07/2025 23:24

I mentioned to her that I was concerned about him being controlling ( he wanted to read all her texts) and she cut me off completely for a while, so now I dont say anything that might upset her, as I dont want her to cut me off. I need to be there for her, just in case, so I just smile and say thankyou, when he says that, but I really dont like it.
I dont know if it's me being silly or not though.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 08/07/2025 23:40

Meh. My son has a friend who always seems to be on a charm offensive but that’s just his way. He is OTT with compliments on occasion but I just ignore it.

TheAvidWriter · 08/07/2025 23:51

This is such an odd behavior from your daughters partner.
I would be creeped out as well.

If your daughter is under this mans thumbs then you need to make sure she knows she has you 100% by her side, no matter what. If he is controlling, then she will have limits to the things she enjoys doing, all to appease the abuser. It must be so hard for you as well to know this is the scenario for your DD, and not be able to do much about it.

The reason she cut you off for a while was probably to protect herself from the partner and his control.

Dont bring up with him that you dont like what he says, its clear as day he knows very well that you dislike it, so if you say anything he is likely to take it out on your DD or just get worse in what he says. He knows what he is doing

Original poster
Catwoman6 · 09/07/2025 10:58

Yes that's why I thought, that's why I dont say anything any more because the last thing I want to happen is for her to cut me off. I worry so much with her being in another country.
I didn't know if I was over reacting ( not to her) but it looks as though im not alone in finding it creey.
Thank you both x

OP posts:
Tinseltotties · 09/07/2025 11:14

Your daughters moved to another country with a man that’s controlling her and preventing her talking to people.
yes he’s creepy but it seems like a complete non issue in the face of the rest of the situation, I’d let it go.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/07/2025 11:29

Sounds like he's sweet talking you to try and get you onside

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/07/2025 21:23

Is English his first language?

carermum · 09/07/2025 21:49

I am fully aware of the situation and I have not said anything about it to either of them. I purely wanted to know if I was over reacting. Please do not make it sound like I dont care what else is going on because I do. You've no idea how hard ive tried to stop any of the controlling behaviour from happening, but I dont want it to get to the point where she cuts me off again.
There is very little I can do to stop it, but it doesn't mean im not worried about the controlling behaviour first and foremost, and it feels like this creepy behaviour is all part of it, so please dont suggest that im not worried about everything else, more so, because you do not have a clue how worried I am.

Original poster
Catwoman6 · 09/07/2025 22:13

Sorry, that reply from carer mum was me, but for some reason it logged onto my old account which I couldn't remember the password. The reply was to tinseltotties.
To answer the other 2 comments. Yes that's what im worried about, that he's trying to sweet talk me, so that I trust him, but I really dont trust him. I wish I could get her back to this country, but dont know what I can do :(
He speaks good English, but it's not his first language.

OP posts:
Dery · 10/07/2025 01:09

@Catwoman6 - he sounds creepy and this sounds like a very uncomfortable situation.

You don’t have to like or trust this guy but your daughter will be safer if you pretend to him that you like him. Otherwise - as you have seen - he will just have an excuse to cut her off from you.

There is a book called something like “Helping Her Break Free” written for relatives of women who are in abusive relationships with lots of advice on how you can best be supportive to the woman who is being abused. You might find that an interesting read because a lot of what you need to do is counterintuitive (eg acting towards the abuser as if you are okay with them, so as not to give them a reason to further isolate their partner).

I hope she gets free of him.

OneLemonGuide · 10/07/2025 06:58

This reply has been deleted

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landlordhell · 10/07/2025 07:00

I’d be more concerned about him wanting to read all her texts. That’s a big red flag!

Seaoftroubles · 10/07/2025 07:17

The fake compliments are the least of your worries, just accept those and don't let on you find it creepy. I expect the no contact was because he read your daughters texts and she was appeasing him. Your main priority is keeping contact with your daughter and supporting her. Does your daughter work? If so could you speak to her when he's not around?

Original poster
Catwoman6 · 16/07/2025 16:30

Thank you. Yes that's what ive been doing for a while now. Pretending to like him. I dont want her to cut me off again.
Thank you, I will have a look for that book.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 16/07/2025 16:36

What country are they in?

Original poster
Catwoman6 · 16/07/2025 16:39

Tinsletoes, what a nasty piece of work you are. Ive already said im trying to help her, but dont know what else I can do but be there for her. If you think that my only thought is whether or not what he is saying is creepy, you are very wrong.
Just because I haven't gone into everything on here, it doesn't mean I haven't thought about her.
You dont know anything about me, so why attack? This was just a simple question, which I wanted to know whether I was over reacting or not. Not to her, I will add. I didn't want to be over reacting. I didn't know if how I felt was wrong. Why attack that?
i also wondered if it was yet another thing i should be worried about, for her, not me. And I know im not beautiful. I never said I was, so how am I being narcissistic?

OP posts:
Original poster
Catwoman6 · 16/07/2025 16:44

landlordhell · 10/07/2025 07:00

I’d be more concerned about him wanting to read all her texts. That’s a big red flag!

Yes well again, I wasnt sure if I was over reacting especially when she cut me off for saying that. So I dont say anything to her now, about things like that.
That was the only reason for my post. It was one of many things im concerned about but can't say to her.
I honestly didn't know if I was over reacting to everything :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Catwoman6 · 16/07/2025 16:46

pinkyredrose · 16/07/2025 16:36

What country are they in?

I can't really say without making it obvious if they happen to see this thread :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Catwoman6 · 16/07/2025 16:49

Seaoftroubles · 10/07/2025 07:17

The fake compliments are the least of your worries, just accept those and don't let on you find it creepy. I expect the no contact was because he read your daughters texts and she was appeasing him. Your main priority is keeping contact with your daughter and supporting her. Does your daughter work? If so could you speak to her when he's not around?

I keep regular contact with her still, but not videos anymore. Im very careful now as to what I say to her via text though.
She not currently working :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Catwoman6 · 16/07/2025 16:54

Catwoman6 · 16/07/2025 16:39

Tinsletoes, what a nasty piece of work you are. Ive already said im trying to help her, but dont know what else I can do but be there for her. If you think that my only thought is whether or not what he is saying is creepy, you are very wrong.
Just because I haven't gone into everything on here, it doesn't mean I haven't thought about her.
You dont know anything about me, so why attack? This was just a simple question, which I wanted to know whether I was over reacting or not. Not to her, I will add. I didn't want to be over reacting. I didn't know if how I felt was wrong. Why attack that?
i also wondered if it was yet another thing i should be worried about, for her, not me. And I know im not beautiful. I never said I was, so how am I being narcissistic?

Sorry that should have been to onelemonguide.

OP posts:
Original poster
Catwoman6 · 16/07/2025 17:26

I just want to say that after seeing some of the comments, that i ought to clear some things up.
Firstly, as stated, the bf comments are not my only concern. Far from it. They were just yet another thing that worry me. I should have added that he says these things in front of my dd. Not that it'd even be okay behind her back, but my point of saying " im not even beautiful " or its "not like im doing myself up" was because there'd be no other reason to say what he says, in front of my dd knowing that I can see my dd looking uncomfortable, when he says that and I dont like it...because it feels like its yet more worrying creepy behaviour, and because its almost like he's trying to make my dd jealous or something. You are very wrong if you think im not concerned about the rest of his behaviour. I am of course worried sick about it all.
However, I didn't know if I was over reacting. I didn't know if I was reading more into it than there is.
I was asking for guidance as to whether others felt I was not alone in feeling like this. All of this, not just his comments. I dont feel like his comments are harmless as was suggested, but again, I didn't know if I was over reacting.
Of course im worried about everything. This was just yet another thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Catwoman6 · 16/07/2025 17:36

Catwoman6 · 16/07/2025 17:26

I just want to say that after seeing some of the comments, that i ought to clear some things up.
Firstly, as stated, the bf comments are not my only concern. Far from it. They were just yet another thing that worry me. I should have added that he says these things in front of my dd. Not that it'd even be okay behind her back, but my point of saying " im not even beautiful " or its "not like im doing myself up" was because there'd be no other reason to say what he says, in front of my dd knowing that I can see my dd looking uncomfortable, when he says that and I dont like it...because it feels like its yet more worrying creepy behaviour, and because its almost like he's trying to make my dd jealous or something. You are very wrong if you think im not concerned about the rest of his behaviour. I am of course worried sick about it all.
However, I didn't know if I was over reacting. I didn't know if I was reading more into it than there is.
I was asking for guidance as to whether others felt I was not alone in feeling like this. All of this, not just his comments. I dont feel like his comments are harmless as was suggested, but again, I didn't know if I was over reacting.
Of course im worried about everything. This was just yet another thing.

I'm not very good at wording things :( I just wanted to know if it was another thing I should be concerned about, or whether im wrong to be so concerned about thus and the other things. If I hadn't also been concerned about the other things too, I wouldn't have even mentioned the other things. I mentioned them too because im very concerned about them too :(

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