DH has told me to leave, has had enough and I don´t know what to do (long)

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I will try to keep this succint.

We had been together 10 years before we got married. I had DS in 2006 and we moved abroad the same year. I hate where we live and have done since we came here since day one for a variety of reasons. I feel I have tried to fit in and make friends, although DH isn´t convinced. Anyway I just cannot find anything I like about living in this country and really want to go back to England, the three of us as I know we have made a mistake. DH is more positive and is not prepared to "throw the towel in" which he says is what I´m doing. I have asked him how long I am supposed to give it until we both realise its not working - no reply...

Anyway we had another massive row about all this at the weekend, a very painful row which resulted in DH telling me yesterday that he wants me to leave, to go back to England on my own with DS. He said he can´t take anymore, he is tired, worn out etc etc by it all. He says I am unprepared to try and there is no other solution. I have asked him to consider finding a job in England, yes its not ideal but people do it, don´t they? He doesn´t want to do this, doesn´t see why he should

So here I am, Monday morning and I am at a loss as to what to do. I have little family in the UK and no where suitable to stay. I don´t know where to start to be honest...

As much as I am unhappy here it would kill me to know I was the one who broke up our family, the one who has to explain to DS why daddy isn´t around.

I agreed to the move, it was a joint decision and I wasn´t over the moon about life in England but my heart isn´t here and I don´t know what to do about it...

Hi Sandy and thanks

Things have been much better since I last posted. We finally sat down to talk on Tuesday and got everything out in the open.

I have promised to be more positive about living here and not to actively look for things that upset me (I know I am guilty of doing this)and it inevitably becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy

I am currently producing a list of pros and cons of living in both countries and have just booked 2 weeks back in July

DH has said he will help me in any way he can. The first thing is to accompany me to the Docs later on today to discuss some other issues I have.

We have decided to enjoy the summer and review the situation in the Autumn. He also said he is not ruling out completely the possibility of going back to England but we have to give it more time. He also said he doesn´t really want me to leave. Actually I think he did me a favour by being so brutal, its probably just what I needed

Thanks again Sandy and well done for rumbling me

I didn't mean to be harsh with you. I know only too well, believe me, what it is like to live somewhere where you feel unhappy because your dh wants to stay there. I just wanted to help you gather your thoughts.

I think men find it very difficult to deal with our general unhappiness because they feel if you tell them something is wrong, they need to then "fix it". They'll tell you want they think but then they like it to be the end of the story and they don't really have the same sympathetic ear bending that we women have. You need a really good woman friend nearby who knows how you feel.

Hope things improve. I think having the trip back to look forward to will help buoy you along a bit.

Do you mind me asking where you are?

Most countries have an association of expat British women - here in Budapest it is the British Women's Association. Groups like that can be a life saver. They often have baby/toddler groups attached and organise night's out etc.

I moved to Bulgaria with a 7 week old baby so understand how it can be. But I found a baby group and the international women's group and met people that way.

Have to go now but will check back later.

Here in Paris there is an organisation called Message (Mother Support Group) for people in your situation. It wasn't particularly relevant for me, but many women, especially those who have arrived recently after childbirth, find a ready made social and support group.

Thanks again for your input, Sandy, Buda and Anna

Sandy - You are totally right in what you say. Dh very much would like it to be the end of the story however I have pushed him very hard lately so I suppose its understandable. Your advice has been a big help.

Buda - I live in Spain about 50km from the centre of Madrid. There are support groups out there, not many granted, but to be honest I have been feeling so down that everything feels like its too much of an effort. Just the thought of travelling on and off trains, underground etc is much too daunting. I realise that attitude doesn´t help me much but I am severely lacking in confidence at the mo and don´t feel very able to attract new friends. I realise I have to be more positive and make more effort but it seems like such a mountain to climb...

50km from Madrid - so probably not many expats?