Children and grandparents.....

[Fullon123]

How are your kids with their grandparents? I'm struggling with mine with just general rude and disinterest. I have a teenager and late primary school child. I'm sick of having to tell them to say hello when nan and grandad come round, to say thanks when they get something off nan and grandad, to say goodbye when nan and grandad leave.
Relationship between them is otherwise good. Grandparents stake an interest in their lives etc, but the kids barely talk to them.
No mater how many times I go on about it, nothing seams to register and the same things keep happening.
Kids are good kids, not generally rude, and never in trouble at school etc.
Anyone got any tips on how I should deal with this behaviour? Or am I letting it bother me too much? It just makes me sad and a bit embarrassed to be honest. I don't expect them to be all jumping for joy when grandparents come round, but general polite behaviour and giving a little back when grandparents come to visit them is surely not too much to ask?
Anyone else's kids like this?

So generally polite children that specifically and solely rude to grandparents?

Kind of. They don't go out their way to be rude to grandparents. It's just things like not saying hello, giving one word answers and then walking away. Or not saying goodbye at times.
Sometimes they will engage and talk. But it just feels in general they come across as rude at times. Both sets of grandparents have noticed and make comments about it.
I've spoken to kids endless times about it and it just doesn't seem to register. Nothing changes.

I don't really have anything to help you but I remember my mother having to prompt me similarly with one grandmother, whereas with the other grandmother we never ran out of things to say. Talking was easy, the whole relationship was easy. The other grandmother just felt like such hard work. Conversation with her didn't feel natural, I didn't know how to be myself around her. Actually I never wanted to be around her at all. I don't think that was on me, as a child, to create a relationship with someone who seemed so empty. I just couldn't see any real person there. She asked the standard questions but didn't seem to know how to engage beyond that and of course, at that age neither did I. I'm sure she tried. My other grandmother, who was easy to talk to, was warm and genuinely interested.

Are the grandparents awkward around the kids in this case? It might be worth looking at the circumstances of contact - are you all sitting around a table or in a living room, being forced to make stilted conversation? Would it be worth meeting in a different setting, so arrange some kind of activity? Something simple even like mini golf? It's easier to talk without that face to face pressure and it could allow a relationship to build more naturally. I appreciate it's the rudeness rather than the relationship you're concerned about but I suspect the lack of relationship is what's behind it.

They “kind of” are specifically rude to their grandparents…. That is odd. What do you think of the grandparents? Do you have a good relationship with them?!

Yes have a good relationship with both sets of grandparents and wouldn't say anything is awkward or anything. Both grandparents have been heavily involved with the kids as they grew up and spent a lot of time with them. Though granted this has always been out of duty to us when we have been working etc, rather then grandparents actively asking to have or spend time with the kids for no particular reason.
Maybe the kids pick up on this? I don't know.
Could be lack of relationship as in grandparents salthough have looked after the kids a lot, have never really done much with them in terms of fun or engaging stuff.

Yes, likely that.

I never knew my grandparents but I remember an elderly childless aunt. As a child, I hated her coming round. She smelt odd, asked a lot of (what seemed to 9yo me) ridiculous questions, knew nothing I was interested in and was extremely dull. She had 'odd' expectations of us as children.

It just sounds like a generation gap to me. The best you can hope for is a polite greeting followed by a hasty exit, unless they have something in common.

I don’t have this issue. I’d say mine are polite and grateful with their (only) granny. But I definitely think they find her visits boring - I mean WE find her visits boring!

We only see her about every other month, but if she just comes for a visit at our house, yes, they do get pretty bored. They do try to be kind and gracious because they know I expect that of them. But I know they’d rather be doing something else. Recently she came over because Dh and I had to go out somewhere for a few hours. Apparently, they spent 2 hours of that visit reading the World Atlas. My daughter, who is 12, said she’d never been so bored in her life. 😂

What has helped is actually doing stuff, so meeting her for a day out, walk, bike ride, dog walk, cream tea, anything so we aren’t all sitting around the kitchen. I think they find that more fun and makes the visit a bit easier.

It's pretty normal. My DN's used to be a delight & DM's favourite. Now they skulk around, looking like they're heading for the gallows when visiting my DP's. They barely even speak.

The unfortunate side to this is my DC are now favoured as they still engage. DS is almost 13 and my DF is becoming frustrated as DS doesn't want to stuff around in the shed with him anymore, but I can still pep talk him into engaging for a while.

I also find GP's like to tell you how to live. DM even told DN she should dress nicer, and pry into their lives.