My son is 17 and he's said in the past that he thinks he is gay. He came out to his father (we split up years ago) who then shouted and got angry with him, then didnt talk to him for the rest of the evening (two sons were staying at his house)!! He then - in his own words - tried to 'cure' him by talking about women in a sexual, leery way for some months. I mean, it's pathetic and sexist and I can't believe he did this. Obviously I went mad and told him what a complete idiot/how homophobic and sexist he was being. Son has got the measure of him and called him a 'toxic male'...
Fast foward a couple of years (during which son hasn't dared or bothered to bring it up again to his dad, though I've made it very clear that he must never feel the need to hide his sexuality and that whatever he decides is absolutely his own business and that I fully support him whatever...if his dad can't accept it, that's his fault, etc etc) and he has now started dated a lovely young man his own age. They've stayed at the boy's house a couple of times together and this boy has been to our house a couple of times. I really like him, they seem very sweet together and I am so happy to see my son so relaxed and happy.
Anyway, I've suggested to son that he should tell his father that he's dating a boy or that I'll do it for him if he wants me to. I think our other son will soon catch on as they're very giggly together and I'm worried that other son will tell his father and that older son (who is dating) will get caught off-guard. In other words, I think it's better if son can be assertive and tell his father himself as it shouldn't be something he has to hide. I'm especially thinking that if and when the boy eventually sleeps over (I've made the rule that he can't sleep over until they're in a long-term relationship - I would do this if it was a girl or boy, I just feel the house is small and i don't want my sons bringing back lots of dates to sleep over) - then my ex really needs to know.
However, son is absolutely adament that he's not telling him and that I'm not to tell him. He got anxious and upset and I respect his privacy and won't tell him unless son tells me to. My son actually really likes being with his dad (stays over nearly half the week now) and he said 'it will spoil our relationship and he won't talk to me or will cut me out of his life!" I find that so sad. I don't know what to do now - should I just leave it and let son tell him when he's ready? I'm so bloody annoyed that this dick for brains man has this control over my lovely boys!