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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

X-h has been charged with rape...........

13 replies

deeeja · 26/05/2008 00:56

By his present wife!

He got remarried about two years ago, and she has accused him of rape, he is out on bail at the moment.
I am so shocked.
He was a bully, and very twisted.
He was psychologically and emotionally abusive towards me, and would humiliate me in public. That is why we split up. After the split he harrassed me for years.
I don't know if he is capable of rape though.
But no-one would falsely accuse someone of that would they?
My eldest(his son) is distraught. He told me about it, I have never spoken to him since the split, and since my ds1 is now grown up.
He expects me to be a type of character witness to say he never raped me, but I do not want to do this. My marriage with him ended over 13 years ago, surely he has had other women since who can testify for him, he always had plenty when he was married to me.
I bet he was a git to all of them, so no-one wants to come forward.
I fell odd, because what if he did rape her, I won't help him to get away with it.
Ds is grown up now, and can cope with it.
It might be different if ds was still a child.
What do you think, AIBU

OP posts:
AitchTwoCiao · 26/05/2008 00:58

god no. what kind of character witness would you be anyway? he was abusive and unfaithful to you, you'd be a disaster for him, his lawyer would be a fool to let you anywhere near the case.

Saturn74 · 26/05/2008 00:59

Your poor DS.
Why would you even consider being a character witness in favour of a man who was abusive towards you?
Best to keep out of the whole situation entirely, imo.

pinkyp · 26/05/2008 01:01

what a situation! god! If u havent spoken to him for 13 years your character reference would be based on how he was back then - people change, wouldnt it be best from someone who knows him now or more recenlty? Sorry i honestly dont know what i'd do in this situation at all.

Tortington · 26/05/2008 01:09

13 years is a long time - he could have changed in lots of ways.

best to stay out of it i think

AitchTwoCiao · 26/05/2008 01:11

doesn't sound like he's changed at all, custy, if anything he's just refined his technique. i do think you're best out of it but equally if it's for your son you could offer to meet the lawyer and then tell the whole truth. they won't let you within a hundred yards of the court if you tell them what you told us.

deeeja · 26/05/2008 01:15

I think you are right.
I am staying out of it.
It is not as if I know his character at the moment. He must think I will still do what he wants, now he uses ds1 to do his dirty work.
I feel sad for my ds, but he had to find out what his dad was like sooner or later, I always hid it from him.
I don't want to be dregging up old memories again.
Goodnight all, I knew I was right.
Thanks,
x.

OP posts:
TotalChaos · 26/05/2008 01:17

yanbu, agree with aitch, the truth about his relationship with you is not going to show him in a favourable light.

Tortington · 26/05/2008 01:25

oh yes aitch, i didn't mean to infer for the better necessarily.

littlewoman · 26/05/2008 01:29

Agree. 13 years is a long time in which to change. 13 years before Hitler became 'Hitler', could anyone have foreseen what he was going to become?

You'd be surprised what people are capable of, even when you think you know them.

I'm sorry for your son. Hope he will cope with this okay.

littlewoman · 26/05/2008 01:31

Sorry, didn't mean to over-dramatise there. Hope you aren't offended.

AitchTwoCiao · 26/05/2008 01:38

did you see i got my insurance, custardo? thanks for the tip, it made my life a great deal easier just dealing with the bank. plus, it's cheaper anyway.

Tortington · 26/05/2008 01:54

no sorry - i forggot to go back - i do that a lot

thatsgreat - i hope you have a fabulous time getting pissed tasting he wine and looking at fit men sampling the culture

AitchTwoCiao · 26/05/2008 01:56

oh you bet your sweet arse i will...

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