I met my boyfriend years ago then parted ways then finally got together 5 years ago.
He's a lovely man, he's kind, loyal, and we get along great.
But now I'm questioning things. He's everything I'd ever wanted in a man, but we don't have sex.
So far this year we haven't done it once. In our whole relationship we must of done it about 5 times.
When we first got together we'd send flirty messages, we even discussed me going on the pill, which I did, which gave me the impression that we were going to have a sex life. Looking back I feel stupid and embarrassed for even having the conversation with him, because we are not even having sex.
I put the first year of no sex down to covid. We didn't see each other often, but thought it would change after that.
Our sex life is basically him using his fingers on me, then me giving oral, and quite frankly I feel resentful.
After 2.5 years ish I asked him why we don't have sex, he said its because his legs go weird, like jelly. I asked him if it was down to me, I'm a plus sized woman, I'm much bigger than him. He assured me it wasn't, just down to his legs.
I was completely blindsided, and deeply in love that I just accepted it, after all, a relationship is more than just sex.
Now 5 years into the relationship I'm feeling really disheartened, angry, upset, resentful, and I hate feeling like this, its making me feel so down.
I keep wondering whether it is me that's the problem. It must be surely.
I know he's not seeing anyone else, he doesn't go out.
We don't live together, we see each other 3 times a week, one of those days it's with all his family. Its always me going around his place, he's not been round mine for years. Ive got children from a previous relationship, and when their dad cant have them, my boyfriend never offers to come round to see me. We don't go out as a couple, we've only been out twice, and that's because I had purchased tickets to events.
He works hard, so I can understand, but at the moment it feels like I'm giving and not getting anything back.
Regarding the sex life, I'm beginning to make excuses for not doing anything, it's just playing on my mind, and I just feel so unattractive.
I feel so guilty about making the excuses, because he is so kind in other ways 😔
Surely this isn't a normal relationship.