Friendship one

[Clytemnestra21]

Weird one. I’m having a feeling I don’t feel I should have so can’t tell anyone. Friend and I have done a hobby together. I introduced them to it. It’s hard and requires quite a bit of practice and it’s hard to find people to practice with. We started off taking lessons together. It had waned a bit and then I got injured which had meant I haven’t been able to do it recently (and been feeling quite gutted about it). Found out randomly she’s been taking lessons and practicing with someone else for a while. Friend hadn’t mentioned it and didn’t tell me. They haven’t been as in touch or responsive to me recently either. I feel like I’ve been supporting the communication more. Found out from someone else a bit by accident. i feel quite left out and a bit tearful. Like friend has betrayed me. It’s weird as there’s no ownership in it. But I think the fact they didn’t mention it makes me feel a bit dropped. Am I being pathetic?!

Nope. It’s shitty and underhand. Hope this feeling passes soon. X

Thanks @Flashouti hope it passes soon too: I second guess myself as I know I’m a bit sensitive to being replaced behind my back. Can’t tell whether I’m overreacting.

I think you're being a bit oversensitive.

Was your friend supposed to stop doing the hobby or only do it by herself until you recovered? She found someone else who enjoys the same thing. Maybe you'll meet this person and get along and have more people to do the hobby with.

You've been injured so not participating and your contact with hobby friend has lessened because you're not participating. I guess I don't get where the feeling of betrayal is coming from.

This

Well said.

Your feelings are valid but I think you need to examine whether you’re friend was being purposefully underhand or felt awkward about it so avoided you but didnt mean to hurt you

Thanks @outerspacepotatoyou’re right it totally wouldn’t be reasonable to expect them not to pursue the hobby. And I didn’t expect them not to.

What feels hurtful is the not being in touch much/feeling a bit dropped when I’m a bit down about being injured AND them not mentioning they were practising/taking lessons with someone else and me finding out from someone else, something I’d expect my friend to tell me about as it’s an interest we share. And we’ve shared a lot of things as close friends but lately since I’ve been injured they’ve felt really distant. As I said above, we’re not just hobby friends. We were friends before the hobby and I thought we were really close.

If it was me, I wouldn't talk about the hobby with you because I would think that would make you feel bad you were missing it.

So maybe you're at cross purposes.

Maybe contact her about having a lunch or doing something fun to reconnect.

This. Your friend may have been trying to be tactful in not gushing about their new training partner while you were injured. I think it’s a mistake to take this kind of thing too personally. I have two friends who both trained for their first marathon together. One now does extreme ultras all over the world, the other just does Parkrun, and the fruendship is a bit strained.

Thanks everyone. Really appreciate the perspective. It helps to think maybe she just felt awkward and was trying to save my feelings. I’ve just felt really ignored by her too. Have tried to connect loads and friend has been really distant - guess she’s been busy with the hobby!

I suppose it’s a bit like - you invite her to the golf club, play a few fours and see the Pro a bit then you put your back out. Instead of getting you a buggy and a large G&T, she keeps it quiet that she’s in another Four and is steadily reducing her handicap. Bitch.