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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How is it fair that I’m the one whose life is a bit shit?

3 replies

bringonyourwreckingball · 07/07/2025 21:51

Married to exh for 18 years. Ups and downs, mainly because he left all the hard bits of parenting to me, to the detriment of my career. Several episodes of dubious behavior with other women but we had small kids and I didn’t think I could cope alone. 2022, I thought things were generally ok, kids older so date nights occasionally but kids in exam years. Then I found out he had been paying another woman for sex. We separated but still trying to find a way and then I found out he had been paying prostitutes for sex in hotel rooms during the working day for years. Tens of thousands of pounds not to mention the risks to my health and lack of time with family. Anyway a month after he moved out I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer and spent 2 years in treatment. He barely saw the kids. I taught eldest to drive during this and helped both of them through exams and Uni choices.
we are now divorced 18 months but I am really struggling with the fact that he has just sailed off into the sunset, new girlfriend, only sees the kids when it suits him, paying absolutely bare minimum child maintenance and virtually nothing for the child at Uni. Meanwhile I am single lonely and broke.

OP posts:
Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 07/07/2025 21:55

Ime the relationships with your dc now and in the future are your greatest rewards..
Unlike your ex who will barely know them and won't respect him whatsoever

And when the dgc come along you really get the best bits without all that responsibility.. Best feeling handing a screaming baby back to their dm and it not being you!!.
Seriously op he has lost the most precious things.

OneTipsyDreamer · 07/07/2025 22:00

I agree with the first comment. He is the one who has lost out, your family is you and your DC, think of all the wonderful things you have to look forward too… them bringing new partners into the family, possibly weddings and children. Whilst your ex will no doubt get caught using prostitutes again and end up sad and alone.

Mumptynumpty · 07/07/2025 22:35

You are looking at his life as an outsider now and judging it's success on the window dressing. He hasn't changed but that is no longer your problem.

Focus on enjoying things where possible. If you're giving him space in your thoughts he still has control. Take it back.

The worst thing to feel for someone isn't hatred, it's disdain. Do that.

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