Does anyone have any experience of how to mitigate risk once an abusive partner knows he has been reported and other agencies involved? I have involved the health visitor and GP and local domestic abuse agency who have given me an IVDA and they will obviously be escalating the situation to child safeguarding. I also need to tell the DVLA about his severe alcohol misuse disorder as he needs his license revoked but he will know it's me and I'm very worried about the risk of violence. He is also meant to be doing nursery runs in the car when I go back to work in August after mat leave and having the kids one day a week and I am making secret other arrangements for these but will have to tell him at some point. I don't know whether to apply for a NMO and occupation order or when the right time for this would be. A solicitor said she would put one in for me at any point but that it was my decision.
Background in a nutshell:
-secret alcohol dependence, finding a bottle of spirits a day usually hidden, think he is having around 200 units a week. Starts drinking in the morning and doesn't even seem particularly drunk after even 20 units.
-often verbally abusive including in front of our young children. Hurls repeated insults at me, frequently tells me I am manipulative, a mentalist, am playing mind games, should work for the gestapo etc etc. When I have calmly told him to stop in front of the 3yo and removed her to another room he has followed us and continued. Asking a simple question like how his day was or where he has been often results in a barrage of abuse so I have to try not to talk much around him.
-controlling behaviour such as not allowing me in part of our shared house, telling me not to wear certain things, never letting me choose what to watch or cooking/buying me food that isn't in line with my dietary preference and telling me I have to eat it.
-is a teacher and private tutor and is often tutoring drunk.
- has pushed me and blocked my way to intimidate me. Has been rough with the toddler in the bath resulting in her falling over.
- repeated suspected drink driving after huge amounts of alcohol such as 700ml whiskey, and open bottles in bag after returning from nursery run so presumably has been drink driving with toddler in car (no longer letting him do the nursery run obviously). Has dented the side of the car when I am sure he was drunk. Police have been informed of this several times but not done anything.
-smashed things in the past like a mug and glass pane of a door.
-I suspect he is possibly being pulled into crime by a family member who has previously had a long prison sentence for financial related crime, and recently saw a calendar entry on his phone saying he was going to be discussing a large inheritance with this person so presumably being roped into trying to bring offshore money from the previous crimes into the country. I obviously don't want the children exposed to this and this family member is trying to ask to meet them
-he has joked 'I'll have to get you killed then' which I think was to unnerve me rather than serious but has obviously done that.
-repeated disappearing acts which can be for half an hour or can be overnight so I often don't know where he is/when he is coming back. The slightest thing can lead to him leaving without warning.
-The 3yo has said she is scared of Daddy and only wants to be with me. She told me a few days ago that Mummy is the black monster in her colour monster book (fear). She started stammering suddenly after witnessing him be very verbally abusive to me one day, this improved over about a week but I think must have been a response to it.
I have taken some photos of e.g. bottles i find and kept a log of things that have happened but I am worried I won't be believed and know he will say I am making it all up. He can be very charming and convincing.
Thanks for any advice/support.